Alright, let’s talk about getting ghosted. Not fun, right? I’ve been there, and it’s like hitting a brick wall you didn’t even see. One minute you’re chatting, making plans, whatever, and the next? Poof. Vanished. Radio silence. It’s a special kind of confusing.
So, What Did I Actually Do?
Well, first thing, I replayed everything. You know how it is. Every single message, every conversation. Did I say something weird? Did I miss a sign? I drove myself nuts for a bit, not gonna lie. I’d check my phone like a maniac, thinking, “Okay, maybe they’re just busy.” Then “busy” turns into days, then a week.
I remember this one time, it was with someone I thought was becoming a good friend. We were planning this weekend hike. And then, nothing. My messages? Delivered, but not read. Or read, and just… ignored. That stings, man.
- Step 1: The “Maybe it’s my phone?” phase. Restarted it a bunch. Classic denial.
- Step 2: The “One last message” phase. Sent that “Hey, everything okay?” message. Still crickets.
- Step 3: The “Okay, now I’m annoyed/hurt/confused” cocktail. This phase lasted a while.
The Downward Spiral (and how I tried to pull up)
I’m not gonna pretend I was all zen about it from the get-go. Nah. I felt disrespected. Like, seriously, just a simple “Hey, not feeling this” would have been better than a disappearing act. It’s the lack of closure that really gets you, I think. You’re left hanging, making up stories in your head.
So, what did I try?
I vented to a couple of close friends. That helped a bit, just to get it out. They mostly said the usual stuff, “Their loss,” “You’re better off,” which is nice to hear but doesn’t always fix the immediate “what the heck?” feeling.
Then I did the thing you’re not supposed to do. I checked their social media. Yeah, don’t do that. Saw them posting, living life, clearly not abducted by aliens. That just made me feel worse. Like, okay, so it was intentional. That was a punch to the gut.
Figuring Things Out – My Way
After wallowing for a bit, and probably sending one too many “are you there?” mental messages, I started to shift my thinking. This wasn’t an overnight thing, mind you. It took some serious self-talk.
First realization: It’s probably not about me. Or, if it is, their way of handling it says more about them and their communication skills (or lack thereof) than it does about my worth as a person. Someone who just up and vanishes? That’s on them. That’s their character, not a reflection of mine. It’s like, if a restaurant suddenly boarded up its windows without telling anyone, you wouldn’t blame the customers, right? You’d think the restaurant management was a bit off.
Second realization: I can’t control what other people do. I can only control how I react. Obsessing over why they did it, or what I could have done differently, was just giving them more power over my headspace, rent-free. And honestly, my brain space is too valuable for that nonsense.
So, I actively started to disengage. I muted them (if we were connected anywhere else). I stopped checking for messages. I consciously redirected my thoughts. Every time my brain went “But whyyyyyy?”, I’d literally tell myself, “Nope, not going there. What am I going to make for dinner instead?” Sounds silly, but it worked over time.
I also poured that energy into other things. My hobbies, work, other friends who actually, you know, reply. It’s like cleaning out a closet. You get rid of the stuff that doesn’t fit or you don’t need anymore, and suddenly you have space for new, better things.
Where I’m At With It Now
Look, getting ghosted still sucks. I don’t think I’ll ever be like, “Oh cool, I got ghosted!” But my process for dealing with it is way faster now. It’s less about them and more about me preserving my peace.
The biggest thing I learned? Closure is something you give yourself. You can’t wait for someone who doesn’t even have the decency to say goodbye to give it to you. That’s like waiting for rain in a desert. You gotta make your own rain.
And honestly, anyone who ghosts? They’re doing you a favor. They’re showing you, loud and clear, that they’re not capable of basic respect or communication. Why would I want someone like that in my life anyway? It’s like they pre-screened themselves out. So, thanks for saving me the future trouble, I guess?
Now, if someone starts to fade out, I notice it, acknowledge it feels a bit off, but I don’t chase. I just let them go. My energy is better spent on people who choose to be present. And that’s been a game-changer, truly.
