So this morning I woke up feeling that weird tension again – you know, that heavy air between you and your partner when stuff’s been building up but nobody’s talking. Decided right there in bed to actually try those five steps everyone keeps talking about.
The Starting Mess
Made coffee extra slow, rehearsing what I wanted to say. My hands were actually shaking pouring the milk. Finally sat across from Jamie at our tiny kitchen table while they scrolled through their phone. Heart was pounding like crazy when I blurted out “We need to fix… us.”
Step 1: Actually Stopping the Avoidance Dance
- Put my phone face down first (felt super awkward)
- Reached over slowly and covered theirs with my hand, blocking the screen
- Just said “Please?” in that shaky voice I hate
Step 2: Spilling Without Blaming
Started with “I feel like a ghost living here” instead of “You ignore me.” Got choked up halfway through. Jamie stayed quiet but stopped trying to grab their phone back.
The Hard Part
Step 3: Shutting Up and Hearing
They finally talked about drowning at work and feeling like a failure coming home. My knee-jerk reaction? Jump in with solutions. Bit my tongue raw instead. Counted three breaths before responding.
Step 4: Finding the Root Crap
- Wrote “Work Stress” on my notepad
- Wrote “Loneliness” under it for my side
- Drew a stupid arrow connecting both words to “Constant Silent Treatment”
- Pushed the notebook across crumbs
The Relief & The Plan
Step 5: Baby Step Promises
Made two small rules with coffee cold: 1) No phones at breakfast ever (both winced) 2) Either of us can say “I need 10 min quiet” with zero guilt. Shook hands like weirdos. Jamie actually smiled.
Tonight? They washed dishes while I dried. Talked about absolute nonsense – weather, neighbor’s ugly garden gnome. Felt lighter. Still awkward. Still unfinished. But coffee tomorrow has a fighting chance.
