Alright, so today I’m gonna share something I’ve been messing with lately, and it’s a bit of a mindset thing more than anything else. The title kinda gives it away: “i am not responsible for your feelings.” Let me tell you how I stumbled upon this.
It all started with a project at work. See, I’m the kinda guy who likes to get things done, and I’m not afraid to speak my mind, even if it’s not what people wanna hear. This particular project was going sideways FAST. The team was stuck, deadlines were looming, and everyone was just tiptoeing around the real problems.
So, I did what I always do. I jumped in, laid out the issues as I saw them, and suggested some pretty drastic changes. Now, these changes were SOLID. I knew they were the right move, but they also meant some people would have to rework stuff, maybe even admit they were wrong about something.
The reaction? Not great. Some people got defensive. Some got quiet and sulky. One dude actually got kinda angry. I could feel the tension in the room, thick as pea soup. And, honestly, for a second, I felt bad. Like, maybe I was being too harsh? Maybe I should’ve sugar-coated it more?
But then I caught myself. I had a reality check. My intentions were good. My suggestions were sound. The project needed saving. Why should I feel guilty for pointing out the obvious and trying to fix things?
That’s when it hit me: I’m not responsible for how other people feel about the things I say or do, as long as I’m acting with integrity and good intentions.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about being a jerk. There’s a difference between being honest and being a deliberate ass. I still try to be respectful, and I definitely try to consider how my words will land. But I refuse to water down the truth just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
So, I pushed forward with the changes. I explained my reasoning clearly and calmly. I listened to people’s concerns, but I didn’t back down on the core issues. And guess what? The project turned around. It wasn’t easy, there were still some ruffled feathers, but we got it done.
Since then, I’ve been trying to apply this “I am not responsible for your feelings” mindset in other areas of my life. It’s not a magic bullet, and it’s definitely not an excuse to be a dick. But it has helped me be more assertive, more honest, and less anxious about what other people think.
It’s about taking ownership of your own actions and intentions, and letting other people take ownership of their own reactions.
Here’s a few things I’ve learned along the way:
- Be clear about your intentions. Are you trying to help? To solve a problem? To improve a situation? If your intentions are good, you’re already halfway there.
- Be respectful, but don’t sugarcoat. There’s a way to be honest without being cruel. Choose your words carefully, but don’t be afraid to speak the truth.
- Listen to feedback, but don’t take it all to heart. Some feedback is valuable, some is just noise. Learn to filter out the negativity and focus on the constructive criticism.
- Let go of the need to control other people’s emotions. You can’t make everyone happy. It’s not your job to manage their feelings.
This isn’t about being a sociopath. It’s about setting boundaries and protecting your own mental well-being. It’s about understanding that you can’t control how other people react to you, and that’s okay.
It’s still a work in progress, but I’m getting there. And honestly, it’s been liberating. Maybe it’ll help you too.
