Alright, so when I first started thinking about what “engaged” means in a relationship, my mind immediately went to the usual stuff. You know, the ring, the proposal, the whole “we’re getting married!” announcement. That was pretty much the extent of it for me. Someone pops the question, the other person says yes, bam, you’re engaged. Simple, right?
But then, I actually found myself in a serious relationship, and things weren’t so black and white. We were committed, yeah, but the word “engaged” started to feel… bigger. Or maybe smaller, more intimate, I don’t know. It wasn’t just about a future wedding. I started to wonder if I was missing something fundamental about what it truly meant to be engaged with another person, not just engaged to them.
So, I kind of went on this little personal quest. First thing I did was just observe. I looked at my own relationship. What were we doing that made us feel connected? What were the times we felt distant? It was a bit like being a detective in my own life. I also started paying more attention to other couples, friends, family, anyone really. What did the couples who seemed genuinely happy and connected do? Not the performative stuff, but the real, day-to-day interactions.
Then, I started talking. A lot. Mostly to my partner, trying to hash out what commitment and connection felt like to each of us. Some of those conversations were tough, not gonna lie. We didn’t always see eye-to-eye at first. I also chatted with a few close friends, the ones who I knew would give me the straight goods, not just tell me what I wanted to hear. I didn’t go reading academic papers or anything, just real talks with real people.
Slowly, a different picture of “engaged” started to form in my head. It was less about a status and more about a state of being. Here’s what I kind of landed on, through all that mulling and talking:
- It’s about being truly present. Like, when your partner is talking, you’re actually listening. Not just nodding while scrolling through your phone or thinking about what you’re going to say next. You’re there with them.
- It’s about active participation. Relationships aren’t spectator sports. Being engaged means you’re actively involved in building the relationship, making decisions together, supporting each other’s dreams, and tackling problems as a team. You’re not just coasting along.
- It’s about consistent effort. Showing up, day in and day out. Not just for the big moments, but for the small, everyday things. It’s making that cup of coffee for them, asking about their day, making them laugh when they’re down. It’s choosing to connect, even when it’s not easy.
- And yeah, it’s deep emotional investment. You’re vulnerable with each other. You share your fears, your hopes. There’s a level of trust and intimacy that goes beyond just being “together.” You’re truly intertwined.
So, for me, “engaged” in a relationship shifted. It wasn’t just a stepping stone to marriage anymore. It became this ongoing, active process of being deeply connected, committed, and involved with my partner. It’s a verb, an action, more than a noun. It’s about fostering that connection every single day, not just waiting for a ring to make it “official.”
Honestly, figuring this out wasn’t some grand epiphany, just a gradual understanding. And it’s made a real difference. It feels more real, more substantial than just focusing on a future event. It’s about the here and now, and how we’re building our life together, piece by piece. It’s still a work in progress, always will be, but at least now I feel like I get what we’re working towards. And that’s a pretty good feeling.
