So last week, my neighbor Jim was complaining again about tossing all night. Told me “bro, just rub one out before bed – knocks you right out.” I laughed it off at first. But then I pulled three straight nights staring at the ceiling like a zombie. Said screw it, let’s test this properly.
The First Try
Thursday night after work, I felt that wired-but-tired crap. Brain buzzing from Slack notifications all day. Hopped in bed at 11 PM, locked the door, and did the deed. Nothing fancy, just took care of business. Whole thing lasted maybe 10 minutes. Wiped off quick with tissues.
Shut the lights immediately after. Weird thing? Normally my mind races about rent or that damn Excel report. But that night? Blacked out before I could count sheep. Woke up naturally at 7 AM without alarm pounding.
Tracking a Full Week
Decided to go all-in testing Jim’s theory. Every night around 11 PM:
- Dimmed the bedroom lights
- Put phone on DND mode
- Got comfortable under covers
- Took care of things (usually 5-15 min)
- Immediately tried sleeping after
Kept notes in my phone tracking two things: how fast I conked out (scale 1-10) and morning grogginess.
What Changed
By day three, patterns showed up clear:
First off, falling asleep got stupid easy. Before this experiment, I’d average 45+ minutes staring at shadows on the ceiling. Now? Usually asleep in under 10 minutes. That tense feeling behind my eyes? Gone.
Second surprise – mornings sucked less. Didn’t need three espresso shots to feel human. Even my fitness tracker showed deeper REM cycles. My dog looked pissed I stopped hitting snooze six times.
Why I Think This Works
From what I felt physically:
- That tense “keyed-up” feeling vanishes after release
- Body just melts into the mattress
- Brains stops spinning work drama loops
It’s not magic though. Still gotta avoid caffeine after lunch. And scrolling TikTok doom-reels undoes the effect fast.
My Takeaway Now
Been doing this nightly for two weeks straight. Cheapest sleep hack ever. Zero side effects except needing more tissues. Jim owes me a beer for doubting him. If your brain won’t shut off at night? Grab lotion and try it yourself.
