Discovering the Mess
First off, I walked into the kitchen last November and saw Amanda crying over her phone. My stomach dropped like a rock. I grabbed that damn phone – yanked it right outta her hands. There it was: texts with that coworker guy, all hearts and hotel emojis. I threw that phone against the fridge so hard the battery popped out. Plastic everywhere.
Taking Ownership Like a Grown-Up
Next morning, I didn’t make excuses. Sat her down at our sticky kitchen table and said straight up: “I screwed up bad. This ain’t your fault.” Admitted every ugly detail – the “business trips”, the lies about working late. Felt like swallowing broken glass but seeing her face? Man. That’s when I realized words mean nothing without actions.
Going Full Transparency
Gave her all my passwords right then – email, social media, even my damn Fitbit account. Told her: “Check anything, anytime.” Deleted every shady app, quit the job with that coworker. Even put her fingerprint in my phone. Every Sunday night, we’d sit and scroll through my messages together. Awkward as hell but kept doing it.
Doing the Therapy Grind
After two months of crying fights, we dragged ass to counseling. Hated every Tuesday for 6 months. Our therapist made us do crap like:
- Writing apology letters without blaming
- Setting phone-free dinner rules
- Practicing stupid “I feel…” sentences
Felt robotic at first. Then one Tuesday, Amanda actually laughed at my lame joke in the waiting room. Baby steps.
Rebuilding Brick by Brick
Started tiny with trust stuff. Like if I said “grocery store at 4”, I’d text pictures of milk gallons at 3:57. Made her coffee exactly how she likes it every morning for months – scalding hot, zero sugar. Took a brutal 11 months before she stopped checking my location share constantly. Now? We just booked our first vacation since… well, since everything went kaboom.
Still ain’t perfect. Some nights she still asks “Was it worth it?” and I still wanna punch myself. But we’re both showing up. That’s the damn work.
