Honestly? My wife dragged me kicking and screaming to that first couples therapy session. Felt weird, man. Like airing your dirty laundry in front of a stranger. But things were… tense. Real tense. More silence than talking, snapping over stupid stuff like who left the milk out. Knew we needed something, even if I grumbled about it.
The Awkward First Steps
Went to this therapist Sarah found. Sarah, that’s my wife. Therapist lady, call her Lisa. Place was… quiet. Too many comfy cushions. Felt like I should whisper. Lisa just sat there, calm. Asked us simple stuff at first. “What made you decide to come in today?” Boom. Right to it.
Started talking. Sarah talked about feeling ignored. I talked about feeling nagged. Same old dance, right? But Lisa didn’t take sides. Just listened. Hard part was she’d ask, “And how did that make you feel?” Ugh. That “feelings” word. Took me forever to spit it out. “Frustrated.” “Annoyed.” Basic stuff. But saying it out loud there felt different.
The Weird Stuff That Actually Helped
Lisa didn’t give us magic answers. Made us do things. Like exercises:
- The Listening Thing: One talks, the other just repeats back what they heard. Sounds simple. Nope. Turns out I suck at listening. I’d jump in with my side before Sarah even finished her thought. Practiced just shutting up and repeating. “So, you felt hurt when I played games instead of asking about your day?” Hearing myself say her feeling back? Made me realize, “Oh. Yeah. That would suck.”
- The Complaint Flip: Whining got boring. Lisa said, instead of “You never help with dishes,” try “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is messy, can we figure out a plan?” Changed the whole energy. Less attack, more teamwork.
- Taking Turns Being Human: Set aside time, no distractions, just talk. Or sometimes just be quiet together. Didn’t happen naturally anymore. Had to schedule it like a damn meeting at first. Felt forced. But slowly? Started remembering why we liked hanging out.
The Messy Middle (Because It’s Never Smooth)
Wasn’t all rainbows. Some sessions were HARD. Dug up old arguments we thought were buried. Talked about money stuff – always a winner. Sometimes I left pissed off. Sometimes Sarah cried. Lisa called it “unpacking the baggage.” Felt more like digging through a dumpster fire sometimes. But she kept saying it had to come out to heal.
Biggest surprise? We weren’t just fighting about now. We were still mad about stuff from years ago that we never properly settled. Resentment had built up like grime on a window. Therapy gave us Windex and rags to clean it off, one nasty, sticky pane at a time.
Where We’re At Now (Still Together, Shockingly)
We still go. Not every week anymore, maybe once a month. Sometimes just a tune-up. We still argue. Still leave the milk out sometimes. But it’s… different. We catch it faster. We know how to fight better. We actually use the stupid tools. Like, when I feel myself getting defensive, I try to pause and say, “Hang on, I’m feeling attacked,” instead of snapping back. Sarah tries to tell me before she reaches boiling point.
The real kicker? Talking openly outside of therapy got easier. We actually listen better. We know each other’s “hot buttons” now, so we kinda tiptoe less and talk more directly? It’s weird. Feels less like walking on eggshells and more like… walking on solid ground, with maybe a few pebbles you see coming.
Do I love therapy? Nah. Still feels awkward sometimes. But does it work? For us? Hell yes. It gave us a map and some tools when we were totally lost in the woods. Still have to use the tools, every damn day. But we’re still walking together, cutting through the brush. That’s what matters.
