How I Used to Drown in Yesterday
Man, I used to be a professional past-dweller. Seriously. If there was an Olympic sport for replaying old mistakes or “what ifs,” I’d have a gold medal. Every time I thought about doing something new, something I actually wanted to do, my brain would just pull up this highlight reel of all the times I didn’t quite make it, or all the reasons why the ‘me of now’ wasn’t as good as the ‘me of then’ (even though ‘then’ wasn’t always that great either, if I’m honest).
My dreams? They were just sitting there, collecting dust, because I was too busy having a conversation with ghosts.
The Wake-Up Call (Sort Of)
It wasn’t like a movie scene with dramatic music. More like I just got sick of my own BS. I remember wanting to start this small project, something I was actually excited about. And the first thought was, “Nah, remember that other thing years ago? Total faceplant.” And I just kinda snapped. Like, who cares about that anymore? That project sure doesn’t. My current dream doesn’t give a damn about ancient history.
That’s when I realized: my dreams need me, the person breathing right now, not the fossil I keep digging up.
My “No More Past” Boot Camp
So, I decided to try something. A bit of a mental boot camp. Here’s what I did, pretty simple stuff really, no magic formulas:
- The “So What?” Method: Every time my brain served up a past failure, I’d literally say (sometimes out loud, which got me some weird looks), “So what? What does that have to do with this, now?” It sounds dumb, but it started to disconnect the old wires.
- One Tiny Present Step: Instead of getting overwhelmed by the big dream and how I might screw it up like before, I focused on one, almost laughably small, thing I could do today. Like, if the dream was to write a book, today’s step was “open a new document.” That’s it. Tomorrow, maybe “write one sentence.”
- Past-Talk Ban: I tried, really hard, to stop talking about past glories or past disasters in conversations, especially when discussing my new goals. It’s amazing how much mental space that frees up. If people brought it up, I’d just nod and steer the conversation back to the present.
- Focus on the “Doing,” Not the “Been Done”: I shifted my internal praise from “I once did X” to “I am currently doing Y.” Small shift in words, big shift in energy.
What Actually Happened
Well, I didn’t suddenly become a superhero. But things started to move. That project I wanted to start? I actually started it. It wasn’t perfect, it hit snags, but it was moving forward. And the surprising part? The fear of repeating past mistakes lessened because I was too busy dealing with present challenges and small wins.
It felt like taking off a really heavy backpack I didn’t even realize I was carrying. My head got clearer. My dreams started to feel less like far-off fantasies and more like actual possibilities I could work on. They needed my hands, my current brain, my current effort, not my memory of what used to be.
It’s still a practice, you know? Some days the old ghosts try to creep back in. But now I have a better idea of how to tell them to get lost. Because my dreams? They’re waiting for me, today. And honestly, they don’t have time for yesterday’s news.
