Okay, buckle up. This journey started last year, honestly. Was feeling kinda lost after a tough breakup, needed to own something. Saw stuff online about domming, not gonna lie, sparked something. Felt way more complicated than it seemed though. Where the heck do you even begin? Didn’t want to mess anyone up, you know?
Step 1: Facing the Internal Stuff (Like, Seriously)
First thing I did? Stared hard at myself in the mirror. Not kidding. I asked, “Why this?” Was it about control? Sure. But deeper? Needed to be honest: was it about anger? Revenge? That’s a no-go zone. Took weeks, maybe months, just thinking. Read crazy amounts online – not the fancy stuff, but real people talking about why they did it. Mostly, it clicked: I liked the idea of guiding someone, the trust involved, that intense focus. But damn, it meant owning my power responsibly. Could I handle that trust?
Step 2: Learning the Rules & Talking Talk (The Most Important Step!)
Jumping straight in? Bad plan. Found local groups – awkward at first! – just sat and listened. Learned the lingo, the absolute commandments:
- Consent isn’t just “yes.” It’s “YES, here are my limits, here’s my safe word, and we keep talking throughout.” Like, constantly.
- Never play with someone who won’t talk limits. Red flag, run away.
- Aftercare isn’t optional. It’s part of the damn deal. Snacks, blankets, talking, whatever works – it’s caring for them after the intensity.
Practiced conversations in my head: “What are your hard limits?” “What does green/yellow/red mean for you?” Communication is literally the entire foundation. Screw this up, you hurt people.
Step 3: Cheap Gear & Solo Practice (Emphasis on CHEAP)
Went online hunting. Didn’t break the bank. Got:
- A basic flogger (like, $15).
- A cheap blindfold.
- Simple wrist cuffs (velcro, nothing fancy).
Then… practiced alone. Seriously. I’d tie the cuffs to a chair leg in my crappy apartment. Practiced putting them on one-handed fast, releasing them faster. Whipped a damn pillow relentlessly. Had to learn the swing – too hard? Too soft? Aim? Missed so many times. Got rhythm. Muscle memory is vital. Didn’t wanna fumble like an idiot when someone’s actually trusting me.
Step 4: Finding the Right First… Person (Scary AF)
This was terrifying. Put a super honest, kinda boring ad out: “New, learning Domme seeking experienced submissive for slow, safe practice & guidance.” Emphasized safety, talking, limits. Waited. Got a lot of awful replies. Ignored the creeps, the ones demanding extreme stuff immediately. Finally, connected with someone older, established in the scene, genuinely patient. We emailed a ton. Met for coffee just to talk, twice! Laid down the rules hard. Felt comfortable? Nervous as hell, but comfortable.
Step 5: That First Session (& What Actually Mattered)
My tiny apartment. Told him exactly: “This is my first real time. Communicate constantly.” Blindfolded him. My hands were shaking putting the cuffs on. Started slow. Really slow. Used the flogger lightly. Focused entirely on his reactions, listening for any sign of distress. Asked “Color?” constantly. Kept it short. Afterwards? Sweat pouring off me! The intense power rush? It was there. But stronger? The relief and responsibility. Gave him water, a blanket, talked it out. He gave me feedback. The actual power came after: knowing we did it safely, respecting each other. That feeling? Better than any fantasy.
So yeah. Simple steps? In theory. But the work? The constant self-checking, the talking, the sheer respect it demands? That’s where the real “how” is. Still learning, constantly. One screw-up is one too many. You gotta be built for this, not just the fancy boots, but the weight of responsibility they carry.
