So when I got this crazy idea to make an 18-inch penis replica, everyone thought I was nuts. But hey, challenge accepted right? Started by sketching designs on pizza boxes – kept crumpling them up ’cause proportions looked wonky as hell.
Gathering Stuff
- Dollar store haul: Grabbed foam pool noodles, duct tape, cheap paint
- Specialty item: Medical-grade silicone from this sketchy warehouse sale
- Big mistake: Forgot base support structure – total flop literally
First attempt looked like mutant traffic cone. Glued three noodles together but they kept bending sideways. Wrapped ’em in duct tape till it looked like mummy’s reject. Painted it flesh-tone but the color turned out like chewed bubblegum.
Silicone Nightmare
Mixed two-part silicone in a bucket – smelled like rotten eggs. Poured over noodle skeleton… Started hardening way too fast! Panicked, jammed PVC pipe inside as support rod. Molded veins with popsicle sticks – looked more like tree roots than anything.
The “Final” Product
Stuck it upright in cement bucket for testing. Next morning? Top half snapped clean off – silicone dried unevenly. What survived looked like melted candle with bad rash. Measurements? 14 inches max – epic fail.
Why bother with this mess? Reminds me of last summer’s disaster job. Got hired for “creative fabrication” gig at this startup. Showed up Monday – empty warehouse, single folding chair, boss texting “supplies coming tomorrow!” for two weeks straight. Quit when they tried paying me in energy drinks. Some projects just ain’t meant to work out.
Still got the silicone lump in my garage. Wife calls it my $300 abstract art paperweight. Moral of the story? Sometimes big ideas stay big ideas.
