Grabbed that Horst Schultz report last Tuesday – honestly just curious what the fuss was about after seeing so many hot takes online. Started reading it right there in my kitchen at midnight, coffee mug cold by page three.
The Setup Was Simple Honestly
Schultz basically said timing mattered most. So I dug out my dusty old alarm clock. Set it for 6 AM sharp every day this week. Figured sunrise, fresh start, all that poetic stuff.
- Day 1: Alarm shrieked like a banshee. Rolled right into the wall trying to hit snooze. Cracked the plastic casing. Off to a great start.
- Day 2: Woke up before the damn thing went off. Paced my tiny apartment for an hour. Felt like a caged raccoon.
- Day 3: Missed the alarm completely. Woke at noon. Total bust.
Then Came The Juice Part
Schultz swore by this specific tonic mix – wheatgrass, raw honey, ashwagandha root. Sounded like swamp water. Bought the powder anyway. Mixed the first batch Wednesday afternoon.
Poured it into a glass. Took one sip. Gagged. Absolutely vile. Like chewing on wet dirt. Shoved the glass in the fridge and ignored it for two days.
Friday morning, felt guilty seeing it. Chugged the whole thing cold. Stomach did backflips immediately. Spent the next hour questioning all my life choices on the bathroom floor.
How’d It Work Out? Terrible
Final count: One busted alarm clock. Two sleepless nights. Zero energy boosts. And an expensive bag of green powder now shoved behind expired ketchup.
Maybe Schultz’s thing works for monks or morning people. For me? Total dumpster fire. Felt robotic chasing his exact times. The juice made me want to curse the stars.
Threw the report in recycling this morning. Keeping the cracked clock though – nice reminder not to believe everything you read online.
