Okay so this ain’t gonna be pretty, but I gotta share this messy attempt. Been hearing guys talk about butt stuff for ages, right? Figured it was time to stop guessing and actually try the damn thing myself. Safety first though, grabbed some condoms and a metric fuckton of lube from the corner store.
The Setup (Or How I Overprepared)
Cleaned up real good, way more thorough than usual. Took a shower, wiped down everything like twice. Laid down a towel on the bed – smart move, you’ll see why. Got the lube bottle ready to go, cap off. Placed the condom packet right there where I couldn’t miss it. Felt kinda like an idiot standing around naked prepping for… whatever this was gonna be.
The Solo Part First
Lonely start, gotta get familiar. Slathered a finger in lube – seriously, more than you think. Started slow, just kinda circling around. Tight. Way tighter than you imagine just looking at it. Felt weird, like really weird. Pressure but not really pleasure yet? Took a bunch of deep breaths, tried relaxing my legs. Finally got a finger tip in. That initial pop-in feeling was bizarre, like “Oh! Okay, there we go.” Kept adding lube like it was going out of style. Worked up to two fingers over what felt like forever, moving them slow, figuring out how the hell to actually loosen things up without feeling like I was breaking something. Just gotta breathe and push out a bit, counterintuitive as hell. Messy as fuck, lube dripping everywhere onto the damn towel.
Bringing In The Goods (The Scary Bit)
Okay, solo part done, mostly. Now the real awkward part. Rolled the condom on some lube-covered… equipment. Honestly felt ridiculous at this point. Slathered more lube everywhere – shaft, head, the condom itself, then added a fresh river of lube right where I was aiming. More deep breaths. Started pressing the head against my hole. Still tight as hell even after all that finger work. Slow, steady pressure, trying to keep my damn legs from clamping shut. That initial “breaching” feeling when the head finally pops in is intense. Not sharp pain necessarily, but a deep, stretching pressure that makes you hold your breath for a second. Felt like a goddamn cork popping into a bottle. Stopped dead, breathed through it, concentrated on relaxing those muscles clenching like a vice.
The Main Event (If You Can Call It That)
Once the head was in and the panic subsided a bit, started inching in further. Millimeter by millimeter. Holy fuck the pressure. Kept one hand pumping lube onto my shaft like I was trying to drown it. Slow pulling out, even slower pushing back in. Each time getting just a tiny bit deeper. Finding a rhythm felt near impossible at first. Every time I moved, it was this overwhelming, full feeling, like seriously intense pressure deep inside your gut. Forgot to breathe half the time, kept catching myself holding my breath. Took forever to even get halfway comfortable with the motion, and “comfortable” is a massive stretch. Messy wasn’t the word – lube was absolutely bloody everywhere by this point.
The Ending (Thank God)
Kept at it for maybe 10 minutes? Felt way longer. Honestly, not gonna lie, it wasn’t some earth-shattering, mind-blowing pleasure zone like some folks hype it up to be. For me? Mostly just felt strange, kind of invasive, and way, way more pressure than anything pleasurable. Got distracted by the constant need to relax muscles I never think about. Finally just decided “fuck it, I tried,” pulled out carefully – another weird sensation – and that was that. Immediate relief when it was out.
Cleaning Up The Mess
Took off the condom, tied it off, chucked it. Then stared at the carnage. Towel soaked through in places with lube and who knows what else. Cleaned myself up thoroughly in the shower again. Tossed the towel straight in the wash. Sat back down afterwards feeling… well, kinda empty and confused. Not painful exactly, but definitely a lingering sense of “something happened back there.” Mildly sore.
So yeah, the big takeaway?
- Lube: You cannot use enough. Buy more. Seriously.
- Patience: Forget porn, this shit takes ages just to get past the “nope!” stage.
- Relaxation: Easier said than done. Like, consciously relaxing muscles you don’t even know how to flex is bizarre.
- Expectations: First time might just be about surviving the process, not finding paradise.
- Cleanup Crew: You need that towel. Things get slippery fast.
Would I try it again? Maybe with a partner eventually? Not sure. Definitely not rushing back into it after that workout. At least now I know what the hell guys are actually talking about. Mission semi-accomplished, I guess?
