My Stupid & Fun Idea
So last Tuesday night, me and Jamie were kinda buzzed after some drinks downtown, just walking back to the car. Passed this super dark, kinda creepy alley behind that old bookstore on Elm Street. You know the one? Anyway, she just stops, looks around, grins at me and says, “Bet nobody’d see us here.” Crazy idea popped into my head right then. Public stuff. Gotta try it.
The Research Phase (Sorta)
Next morning, headache city, but that alley idea stuck. Googled “hidden public spots” like an idiot. Mostly got stupid clickbait lists, but kinda saved a few ideas:
- Park bathrooms after dark – sounded sketchy but maybe?
- Stairwells in parking garages – concrete vibes, ew.
- Quiet library stacks – hell no, too quiet!
- Rooftop access at night – risky view.
- Empty hiking trails off-season – muddy probably.
Most sounded terrible, honestly. Kept thinking about that damn alley.
Alley Attempt #1 (Epic Fail)
Thursday night, dragged Jamie back. Dark as hell, stank like garbage. We ducked behind some big dumpster. Heart was pounding like a drum solo. Got about… 2 minutes in? Some dude walks past the alley entrance talking LOUD on his phone. Panic mode activated. Pulled up pants faster than I ever have. Just pretended to tie shoes. Dude didn’t even look our way. Not fun. Mostly terrifying.
Rethinking the “Top 5” List
Felt like an idiot after the alley. Went back to that stupid list. Tried the parking garage stairwell next. Found a multi-story one downtown. Middle floor. Cold concrete. Started kissing. Heard car doors slam like crazy above and below us. Nope. Abort mission again.
Jamie was laughing at me by this point. “Top five spots?” she goes. “More like top five ways to get arrested!”
Tried the secluded part of the beach way down near the rocks. Cold sand got everywhere. Super awkward. Worst spot ever.
Big community garden? Felt paranoid someone would pop out to water tomatoes mid-act. Didn’t even try.
Late-night movie theater? Last row. Didn’t buy tickets, just snuck in during the credits. Dark, yeah. But sticky floors? And an old guy cleaning saw us instantly anyway. Ran out.
Kinda Success? Kinda Stupid.
Last try: that rooftop access idea. Friend works at that crappy mall. Said he’d unlock a stairway door to the roof for five minutes after closing. We got up there. Windy, cold, view was actually okay. Quick kiss. Heard security radios chatter below. Panicked. Left.
Got caught twice already? Sorta. Security guard at the mall just rolled his eyes. Cop in the park just flashed his light and yelled “Move along!” once. Didn’t actually get arrested. Got super lucky.
My Honest “Top 5” Takeaway
After all that? Forget the list. It’s mostly awful.
- Excitement? Yeah, pure adrenaline.
- Secret? No. Feels like everyone saw us.
- Practical? Not even a little.
Made me sweat bullets every time. Paranoia central. Kept scanning for shadows, listening for footsteps. Not exactly… romantic. Ended up just laughing our asses off at how terrible it all was. Mostly? Stupid idea. Wouldn’t recommend to anyone. Bathroom at home? Perfect spot. Best ever.
