My grandson, he always on that phone, told me write something, say it good for… SEO? I don’t know what that is. But he say write about gay sex first time. Well, I don’t know much ’bout that, but I hear things.
First Time, Huh?
So, you boys wanna… you know… for the first time? Well, I guess it’s like anything else. You gotta start somewhere. Just like when you learn to plow a field, gotta take it slow at first. Ain’t no need to rush. Them young’uns always in a hurry.
First time for everything. Like that time I tried to milk that darn goat. Got kicked right in the shin. Hurt like the dickens. This might hurt a little too, I hear. But don’t you worry none.
Bein’ Careful
- That first time, you gotta be careful. Use some… what’s that thing they call it? Protection. Yeah, that’s it. Like wearin’ gloves when you pickin’ berries so you don’t get scratched by thorns.
- Talk to each other. You boys need to talk. Just like when I tell my old man what chores need doin’. Figure out what you both like, what you don’t like.
- Don’t be scared to say no. If somethin’ don’t feel right, you just say so. Just like when that salesman tried to sell me that fancy plow I didn’t need.
You young folks, you got all them gay sex apps and things now. Back in my day, we just had the barn dance. But same idea, I reckon. You find someone you like, you get to know ’em a bit.
What to Expect
I heard some folks say it can be a little… messy. First time gay sex and all that. Well, life’s messy sometimes. Just like when them chickens get loose in the garden. You just gotta clean it up.
Might be a little pain. But nothin’ you can’t handle. Like gettin’ a splinter. You just gotta be brave, pull it out, and put some of that ointment on it.
They say you learn a lot about yourself. I guess that’s true for most things. Like when I first learned to bake bread. Took a few tries to get it right, but now I make the best darn bread in the county.
Just Relax, Okay?
Don’t you be gettin’ all worked up about it. Gay sex first time is just like anything else new. Just relax. Take a deep breath, like when you’re sittin’ on the porch watchin’ the sunset.
- Maybe you like it, maybe you don’t. That’s okay. Just like tryin’ a new vegetable. Some you like, some you don’t.
- Don’t be puttin’ too much pressure on yourself. Ain’t no need for that. Just like plantin’ seeds. You plant ’em, you water ’em, and you let nature do the rest.
- Most important thing is you be yourself. Don’t try to be somethin’ you’re not. Just like that time I tried to wear them fancy city shoes. Didn’t fit right at all.
Gettin’ in the Mood for Gay Sex
Alright, I hear you gotta get each other in the mood. Don’t know much about that, but I reckon it’s like lightin’ a fire. You need some kindlin’, some small stuff to get it goin’. Then you add the bigger logs. Maybe some kissin’ and huggin’, I suppose. You young folks know what you’re doin’.
Just remember to be respectful. Treat each other right, you know? Like how you treat a good horse. Be gentle, be kind.
Afterwards
After it’s all done, well, I don’t know what you boys do. Maybe you just lay there and talk. Or maybe you get up and have some pie. I always did like a good piece of pie after a hard day’s work.
And don’t you go around blabbin’ to everyone about it. Some things are best kept private. Like that time I saw ol’ Mr. Johnson skinny dippin’ in the creek. Didn’t tell a soul. Well, except for you folks now, I guess.
Anyway, that’s all I got to say about that. Gay sex first time, huh? Well, good luck to ya. Just be safe, be kind, and have a good time. And don’t forget to say your prayers.
