Okay, so I’ve been trying to work on my relationship lately, and I stumbled upon this thing called the “Gottman Repair Checklist.” Sounded fancy, but honestly, it’s just a list of phrases to help you patch things up after a fight with your partner. I figured, why not give it a shot? Nothing to lose, right?
First, I searched for “Gottman Repair Checklist printable” online. I found a bunch of them, but they were all pretty much the same. I picked one that looked simple enough and printed it out. It was basically a one-pager with a bunch of sentences listed, like a cheat sheet for apologizing and making up. I remember there was no create date or something, which is kind of weird, but whatever.
What’s on the list?
So, the list itself had phrases grouped into different categories.
- One section was all about taking responsibility, with lines like, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” and “Sorry.” Pretty straightforward stuff.
- There was another part focused on de-escalating the situation, like saying, “Let me start again in a softer way” or “Let’s try that one over again.” I guess the idea is to stop the fight from getting worse.
- Then there was a section with the phases like “What you are saying is…” or “How can I make things better?” That’s probably for understanding and showing you care. I think it might be about showing you’re actually listening and want to fix things.
- And the last is “You’re…” but I do not know what is that for. Maybe it is a start of a sentence.
Yesterday, my partner and I had a bit of a disagreement—nothing major, just a silly argument about chores. I noticed things were getting heated, so I grabbed the checklist from where I’d stuck it on the fridge. I felt a bit silly at first, reading off a list during an argument, but I tried a few phrases.
I started with “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” It felt a bit formal, but it did seem to help. Then I said, “Let me start again in a softer way,” and I tried to explain my side of things more calmly. I even used “What you are saying is…” to show I was listening.
To be honest, it wasn’t a magical fix. We still had to talk things through, but the checklist phrases did help us cool down and communicate better. It was like having a little reminder to be kind and respectful, even when we were annoyed with each other. It is not a big deal but really works. I recommend you guys have a try.
So, that’s my experience with the Gottman Repair Checklist. It’s not a miracle worker, but it’s a helpful tool for navigating those tricky moments in a relationship. I’m planning to keep it on hand for next time. And maybe I’ll even customize it a bit, add some phrases that feel more natural for us. We’ll see.
