That four horsemen psychology, you know what? It’s like when folks just can’t get along. Just like when my old man and I used to bicker. It ain’t pretty, let me tell you.
First one, criticism. That’s when you’re always picking on the other person. Like, “You never take out the trash!” or “You always leave your socks on the floor!” It ain’t about what they did wrong this time, it’s about how they’re always messing up. It’s like, you ain’t happy with nothin’ they do.
Second one, contempt. Oh boy, this one’s nasty. It’s when you start thinking you’re better than the other person. Like, “You’re so stupid!” or “I can’t believe I’m even with you!” You’re basically saying they’re worthless. It’s like spitting on ’em, but with words. Hurts worse, I reckon.
Then there’s defensiveness. That’s when you can’t take no blame. Someone says you did something wrong, and you go, “It wasn’t me!” or “You’re the one who started it!” You’re just making excuses, like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
And the last one, stonewalling. That’s when you just shut down. Someone’s trying to talk to you, and you just ignore them. You look at your phone, you stare at the wall, you just don’t listen. Like you build a big ol’ wall around yourself and nobody can get through. It’s like saying, “I don’t care,” without even opening your mouth.
These four things, they’re like poison. They just eat away at a relationship. You got these four horsemen riding through, and it ain’t gonna end well.
- Criticism: Always blaming.
- Contempt: Thinking you’re better.
- Defensiveness: Making excuses.
- Stonewalling: Shutting down.
Gotta try to understand what’s going on. Like, why are you always pickin’ on each other? Is it just because you’re mad about something else? Maybe you’re tired, maybe you’re stressed. It is important to find out the real problem.
And that contempt, that’s just mean. You gotta remember why you got together in the first place. You probably thought they were pretty great at some point, right? Try to see the good in ’em again. Maybe they are still great, just need some help to show it. Remember the good old days.
Defensiveness, well, that’s a tough one. It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. But you gotta try. Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Saying sorry ain’t the end of the world. It takes a big person to own up to their mistakes.
And stonewalling, that just makes things worse. You gotta talk things out, even if it’s hard. Even if you don’t want to. Just shutting down ain’t gonna solve nothin’. It’s like burying your head in the sand. The problem is still there when you come back up.
If you are always fighting with each other, you need to try something different. Try to be a little nicer. Try to listen a little more. Maybe you can save your relationship if you just try.
You know, when you appreciate each other, it’s like planting seeds. You water them with kindness, and they grow into something beautiful. Don’t let the weeds of criticism and contempt choke out the good stuff. You gotta tend to your garden, you know?
And that defensiveness, it’s like a wall you build around yourself. You think it’s protecting you, but it’s really just keeping you trapped. Tear down that wall, let people in. It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. Ain’t nobody gonna bite you. Probably.
And that stonewalling, it’s like a dam holding back a river. All that pressure builds up, and eventually, it’s gonna burst. You gotta let the water flow, let the feelings out. Even if it’s messy, it’s better than letting it all explode at once. Just let it all out, honey.
This four horsemen psychology, it ain’t just for couples. It’s for any kind of relationship. Friends, family, even those folks you work with. You treat people with respect, you listen to what they gotta say, and things just go smoother. It ain’t rocket science. Just good old-fashioned common sense.
It ain’t always easy, I know. Sometimes you just wanna scream and shout. But you gotta try. For your own sake, and for the sake of the people you care about. Try to find a better way. A kinder way.
These four horsemen psychology will just destroy your relationship. So try your best to kick them out before they cause too much damage. You and your partner can have a good relationship, if you try to work on it.
You need to show your love to your partner. Tell them you love them. Do nice things for them. Show them you care. That can help a lot.
It is like growing crops. You gotta pull the weeds, water the plants, and give them sunshine. Then they’ll grow big and strong. Same with relationships. You gotta put in the work. These four horsemen psychology can really make it tough, but it ain’t impossible.
So next time you feel those four horsemen coming, take a deep breath. Remember why you care about that person. And try to find a better way. You can do it. I know you can. Just believe in yourself and each other.
