Today I’m going to talk about something we all deal with but don’t always like to admit: shame. It’s that heavy, icky feeling you get when you think you’ve messed up or aren’t good enough. I’ve been working through my own stuff lately, and I want to share what I’ve been doing because maybe it can help some of you too.
So, first off, I started by just acknowledging that shame is there. It’s like, you can’t deal with a problem if you don’t even know it’s there, right? I used to try to push it down or pretend it wasn’t happening, but that just made it worse. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater – it’s gonna pop up eventually, and probably with more force.
Facing the Shame
Once I admitted to myself that I was feeling shame, I tried to figure out where it was coming from. What beliefs or thoughts were making me feel this way? This part was tough. I had to really sit with my feelings and be honest with myself, even when it was uncomfortable.
- Writing it down really helped. I got a notebook and just started writing whatever came to mind. No judgment, just getting it all out. It’s surprising what you uncover when you start putting things on paper. Some of the stuff I wrote down, I was like, “Wow, I really believe that about myself?” It was eye-opening.
- I also started talking about it. At first, it was just to myself. I’d say the things out loud that I was ashamed of, just to hear how they sounded. Sometimes they sounded really harsh, and other times they sounded kind of silly when I actually heard them out in the open.
- Then I got the courage to talk to someone else. I have a good friend who’s a really good listener, and I started sharing some of my feelings with her. It was scary, but also a huge relief. Just having someone else know what I was going through and not judge me for it, that made a big difference.
Working Through It
After I got a better handle on what was causing my shame, I started trying to work through it. One thing that really helped me was challenging those negative beliefs. Like, if I was feeling ashamed because I thought I wasn’t smart enough, I’d start looking for evidence that proved that wrong. It’s not about lying to yourself, but about being fair and seeing the whole picture.
I also started practicing self-compassion. This was a big one. It’s like, treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend who was going through something similar. You wouldn’t beat them up over it, right? You’d be kind and understanding. So why not do that for yourself?
It’s a Process
I’m not saying I’m completely over my shame now. It’s a process, and I still have days where it creeps back in. But now I have tools to deal with it. I can recognize it for what it is, challenge the thoughts that are causing it, and be kind to myself while I’m working through it.
If you’re dealing with shame too, I hope this helps. Just know that you’re not alone, and it is possible to work through it. It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and you can get there. Keep going, and don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way. We’re all in this together.
