Okay, so, being the “outsider” in a friend group. It sucks, right? I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It’s like you’re always on the edges, looking in. Here’s how I kinda, sorta, dealt with it, or at least, survived it.
First, I observed. Like, really watched. Not in a creepy way, but I paid attention to how the group interacted. Who talked to who the most? What did they joke about? What were their shared experiences?
Figuring Out the Dynamics
- I listened more than I talked. At first, anyway. It helped me get a feel for the group’s “vibe.”
- I noticed the inside jokes. Even if I didn’t get them, I made a mental note. Later, I might subtly ask about one, like, “Hey, what was that thing you guys were laughing about earlier?” Shows you’re paying attention.
- I tried to find common ground. Did we all like the same music? Same movies? Same terrible reality TV shows? Anything to connect on.
Making My Move (Slowly)
Then, I started to, you know, actually participate. But baby steps.
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I started with the person I felt most comfortable with, even if it was just small talk. “That test was brutal, right?” Or, “Did you see that game last night?” Anything to break the ice.
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I offered help when I could. Like, if someone was struggling with something I knew about, I’d jump in. “Oh, I’m pretty good at that, need a hand?”
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I invited, but not the whole group all at once. Maybe just one or two people to do something low-key. “Anyone wanna grab coffee after class?”
The Reality Check
Here’s the thing: it wasn’t always smooth. Sometimes I still felt like I was on the outside. There were times I felt awkward and like I didn’t belong. Sometimes, I messed up my words. But, I kept trying, in my own way, at my own pace.
And sometimes? Sometimes it just doesn’t work. Some groups are just… closed off. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you gotta find your people. The ones who get you, who make you feel like you belong, no “outsider” status required.
I eventually found my niche, and at times, I had to be brave, step out, and do my own thing. It’s a process, and it’s not always easy, but it’s definitely better than feeling like a permanent outsider.
