Alright, let’s talk about this whole “real sexuality” thing. For the longest time, I honestly didn’t give it much thought beyond the basics, you know? Stuff you pick up from movies, locker room talk, just the general noise around. It was like this thing that just… existed. Didn’t really connect it to my actual life in a deep way.
Then things started shifting. Maybe it was getting older, maybe just seeing relationships evolve – mine and others’. I started looking back at my own experiences. Not just the highlights, but the awkward fumbles, the misunderstandings, the times I felt completely out of sync with what I thought should be happening. It hit me that a lot of my assumptions were built on shaky ground, stuff I’d absorbed without really questioning.
Digging a Little Deeper
So, I decided to actually pay attention. Started by just thinking, really thinking, about my own feelings and reactions in different situations over the years. Why did I feel comfortable sometimes and totally weird other times? It wasn’t always about the physical act itself, turned out. A lot was tied up in communication, or the lack of it.
Then came the slightly harder part: trying to talk about it. Not in a clinical way, just… real conversations. With my partner, eventually. That took some courage, gotta admit. We had to sort of stumble through finding the right words. Found out we both had these hidden expectations and fears we’d never really shared. It was messy, like untangling a bunch of wires behind the TV.
- Realized how much pressure I’d put on myself based on nonsense.
- Started listening more, not just waiting to talk.
- Accepted that it’s not always fireworks and perfection. Sometimes it’s just quiet connection.
What I Sort of Found Out
It wasn’t like some big lightbulb moment, more like a slow sunrise. “Real sexuality,” for me anyway, started to mean shedding all the performance anxiety and the unrealistic benchmarks. It became about honesty – being honest with myself and with my partner. It meant acknowledging that desire, interest, connection… it all ebbs and flows. It’s not a constant state.
It’s incredibly personal. What works or feels right for one person, or one couple, might be totally different for another. And that’s okay. It’s not a competition. It also changes over time. What felt important in my twenties is different now.
So, the practice? It was really about stripping away the external crap, the societal scripts, the media portrayals. And then just focusing on the actual human connection. Being present. Communicating, even imperfectly. Accepting the awkwardness sometimes. It’s less about some mythical ‘peak experience’ and more about the authentic, sometimes clumsy, ongoing reality of being human with another human. It’s simpler, and way more satisfying, than the complicated picture I used to have in my head.
