Last Tuesday I got that text again. You know the one – “hey stranger, been thinking about you…”. It was Jamie, my ex from 6 months back. We’d tried the “friends” thing but kept slipping into late-night calls that felt too… familiar. My chest got tight just seeing their name pop up. Damn it, not again.
What Actually Went Down
Grabbed my journal like it owed me money and scribbled:
Problem: Can’t figure out how to navigate the ex-sex question without spiraling.
History: Always said yes → regret → ghost → awkward cycle restart → feeling like crap. Rinse and repeat.
Goal: Break the pattern before replying.
Walked outside barefoot (helps me think) and came back muddy but clear-headed. Decided to road-test three dumb-simple rules that night:
- Sleep Rule: Wait until tomorrow morning. Not 3 AM.
- Mirror Talk: Literally ask yourself out loud: “Do I actually WANT this, or just miss the feeling?”
- Three Words: Text only: “Talking sounds good.” NOT “I miss your [insert thing here]”
How I Applied This Mess
First real test came later that night. Phone buzzed at 11:30 PM – “You up?” My thumb hovered over the keyboard. Old me already would’ve typed “Always for you 😉”. Instead I shoved my phone under a sofa cushion, made peppermint tea, and watched bad reality TV until I passed out.
Woke up at 7 AM sunburnt (fell asleep by the window) but weirdly proud. Scratched the sleep crust from my eyes, hauled myself in front of the bathroom mirror, and croaked: “Do you want to rehash whatever last night was?” My reflection looked back dead-eyed and said “Hell no.”
Sent exactly two words after breakfast: “Coffee tomorrow?” No heart emoji. No “saw your text last night sorry I missed it.” Just the question.
Met at a packed cafe – zero privacy. Sipped watery lattes while discussing their new job and my dead basil plant. When the “remember when we…” started, I interrupted with “So what’s next for you dating-wise?” Loud enough that the table next to us glanced over. Awkward? Brutal. Effective? Like a bucket of cold water. Drew the damn line.
Where This Landed Me
Two concrete results:
1. It’s been 2 weeks. No late-night texts. Instead got an actual invite to their coworker’s art show next month. No ghosts.
2. Finally had space to mourn properly. Cried watching a dog food commercial yesterday. Progress? Weirdly, yes.
Biggest realization? You don’t navigate “ex and sex” by finding perfect answers. You navigate it by creating distance to see the question clearly. Sometimes that distance smells like old couch cushions and tastes like sad gas station coffee. Still beats the regret spiral.
