My Starting Point
I remember waking up feeling like crap after another night wasted on porn sites. My eyes were burning, my head hurt, and honestly? Felt like a loser. That morning I smashed my mouse against the desk – plastic pieces flying everywhere. Enough was enough.
The First Moves
Grabbed my phone and deleted every app where I’d sneak peeks – Instagram first, then TikTok, even unfollowed thirst trap accounts on Twitter. Didn’t overthink it, just mashed that uninstall button like my life depended on it. Installed a dumb brick phone for bedtime – no browser, just calls and texts.
Next day I did two things:
- Sticky note attack: Wrote “NOT WORTH THE GUILT” on 12 neon papers. Slapped ’em everywhere: laptop lid, bathroom mirror, fridge door.
- Emergency playlist: Made a “DON’T CLICK” Spotify list full of angry punk songs for when urges hit. Blasted it through earbuds while doing push-ups till my arms shook.
When Cravings Went Nuclear
Week two was hell. My brain kept screaming for dopamine hits. One night I caught my hand hovering over the laptop at 3am. Panicked – ran outside barefoot in pajamas. Stood shivering on the driveway till the fog cleared. Came back and chucked my router into a locked toolbox (still have the key buried in my backyard).
What Actually Worked
Started drowning boredom with stupid physical stuff. Whenever tension built up:
- Cold showers: Turned the knob to ice-cold for 30 seconds. Sounds dumb but that shock resets your lizard brain.
- Kitchen warfare: Chopped veggies like a serial killer – destroyed 3 cutting boards in two months. Made terrible stir-fries my dog wouldn’t eat.
- Midnight scribbles: Kept a rage journal. Wrote pages of garbage like “WHY AM I LIKE THIS??” then ripped them to confetti.
Where I’m At Now
Three months clean. Still get random flashes when tired or stressed, but now I grab my dumb phone and text a buddy “TALK ME DOWN” – we shoot the shit about football or his terrible dating life. Feels less like fighting and more like redirecting a river. Not perfect, but way better than drowning.
