The Experiment Start
Honestly, I laughed when I first saw those forum posts claiming chomping on celery stalks could magically bump up your cum volume. Sounded like pure BS to me. But hey, curiosity got the best of me. Figured I’d try it myself and just see. Worth a shot, right? So I grabbed my car keys and drove to the grocery store.
The Celery Stock-Up
Dumped six big, green celery bundles into my cart. Felt kinda weird buying just celery, but whatever. Got home, rinsed those stalks until they shone, chopped ’em into finger-sized sticks. Put some in a bowl for munching, dumped the rest in the blender with water for smoothies. Looked like green swamp water. Tasted like wet grass, too. Added a crap-ton of honey just to choke it down every morning.
Daily routine:
- Breakfast: Ate a whole stalk raw while scrambling eggs.
- Lunch: Crunched another stalk plain.
- Daily torture: Slammed one giant swamp-smoothie after lunch.
- Snack: Mindlessly chewed more sticks while working.
My fridge looked like a celery bomb went off. Seriously.
The Testing Period
Decided to run this gig for two full weeks. No half-assing it. Started pissing constantly by day 3—guess celery’s mostly water. Annoying as hell. Measured my cum volume every time I jerked off, using a little medicine cup. Yeah, felt like a total weirdo, scribbling numbers in my notebook next to the date and time. “Wednesday, 10pm: 3.2ml.” Real scientific stuff.
What Actually Happened
Two weeks flew by, and honestly? Nothing much changed. Squinted at my notes: volume bounced between 2.8ml and 3.4ml the whole time. Same old numbers as before the celery invasion. Thought maybe my eyes were messing with me, so I compared it to my pre-celery tracking sheet. Nope. Flat line. Zero jump. The only “result”? Peeing every dang hour and my sweat started smelling faintly like celery. Kinda gross.
Pros and Cons – My Take
Pros (barely any):
- Super cheap snack, I guess.
- Maybe felt a bit more hydrated? Hard to tell.
Cons (the real list):
- Zero noticeable effect on cum volume. Like, literally nothing.
- Pissing constantly ruined movie nights and road trips.
- My kitchen smelled like a wet lawn.
- Blending smoothies daily sucked—so much cleanup.
- Weird celery-sweat smell lingered.
Expert Opinion – I Asked
Got sick of guessing, so I called my doc buddy. He straight-up laughed when I told him. Said, “Dude, no legit science backs that. Cum volume depends on hydration, hormones, how horny you are… not veggies.” Basically called it old internet myth stuff. Said if you wanna boost volume, drink more water, get solid sleep, maybe cut back on booze. But celery? Nah. Waste of time.
Final Thoughts
Yeah, total fail in my book. Maybe it works for some magic unicorn dude out there, but for me? Nope. Spent two weeks chewing watery sticks, staining my blender cup green, and obsessively measuring jizz for nothing. Kinda disappointed, but not surprised. Won’t be doing this again—unless I suddenly crave grass-scented sweat and hourly bathroom breaks. Save your cash and skip the celery hype.
