It all started when my buddy Dave texted me freaking out about his little brother asking where to get protection. The kid’s 16 and clueless. So I figured, hell, let’s actually find out what the rules are instead of guessing.
First thing I did was drive to the CVS down my street. Grabbed a box of Trojans like it was no big deal. At checkout, the cashier – this bored-looking college kid – just scanned it without blinking. No ID check, nothing. Felt too easy. So I straight-up asked him, “Hey man, what’s the youngest age you sell these to?” He shrugged. “Store policy says 18, but unless they look 12, I don’t card.”
That felt sketchy, so I hit three more spots:
- Walgreens: Old lady at register squinted at me like I was buying crack. Demanded ID the second I slid the box on the counter.
- Gas station: Clerk laughed when I asked. Told me their locked case is “for show” and sold me Red Bull with the condoms.
- Planned Parenthood: Coolest experience. Nurse handed me a whole bag for free saying, “No age limits here. We want ’em used.”
Next morning, I called my state’s health department. The lady on the phone sounded tired as hell. She confirmed there’s no damn federal law about condom age limits. It’s all store rules or local regulations. Then she dropped this truth bomb: “Kids having sex will have sex anyway. Would you rather they use condoms or get diseases?”
This whole thing reminded me of my 17-year-old self trying to buy condoms at Rite Aid back in 2010. Got publicly rejected by a cashier who yelled, “NOT WITHOUT YOUR MOM, SON.” Mortifying. Ended up using expired ones from my dad’s sock drawer – which split. That panic led to two weeks of Googling STDs symptoms until I scraped cash for a clinic visit. Still get sweaty thinking about it.
After a week of research and awkward conversations, here’s the raw deal:
- Most big pharmacies say 18+ on paper to cover their asses
- Gas stations, bodegas, and vending machines? Basically the Wild West
- Free clinics and PP don’t give a single damn about age
- And no, Amazon won’t card you for online delivery – but your parents might open the box
Dave’s brother now gets condoms mailed discreetly from an online harm-reduction group I found. Moral of the story? Age rules are theater. But unprotected sex? That shit’s real.
