Alright, so this whole “do I have high standards for guys” thing has been rattling around in my head for a bit. It wasn’t like some big lightbulb moment, more like a slow burn, you know? After a couple of dates that just felt… off, and a chat with a friend who basically said, “Maybe you’re just too picky,” I thought, “Okay, let’s actually figure this out.”
My Highly Scientific (Not Really) Investigation
So, the first thing I did, and this sounds super basic, but I actually sat down and tried to define what my “standards” even were. I grabbed a notebook – yeah, I’m old school like that – and just started jotting things down. No filter, just whatever came to mind when I thought about what I’d want in a partner.
It was a bit of a brain dump. Stuff like:
- Got to have a sense of humor, please! Life’s too short to be serious all the time.
- Kindness. Not just to me, but like, to waitstaff, animals, you know? Basic human decency.
- Has his own thing going on. Doesn’t have to be a CEO, but just some ambition, some passion for something.
- Can hold a conversation. Like, actually talk about things deeper than the weather or what’s on TV.
- Emotional availability. Big one. Someone who isn’t afraid to, like, feel things and talk about them.
And a few other bits and bobs, some smaller, some bigger. It wasn’t a crazy long list, actually, when I looked at it.
Reality Check Time
Next, I kind of stepped back and looked at this list. I asked myself, “Okay, is any of this actually unreasonable?” I mean, wanting someone kind? Wanting someone I can laugh with? That doesn’t sound like asking for the moon, does it?
Then I did something that felt a bit like research. I started observing people around me. My friends’ partners, couples I saw out and about. Not in a creepy way! More just… noticing the dynamics. What seemed to make people happy together? What were the common threads in relationships that seemed solid?
I also thought back to my own past experiences. What worked? What really, really didn’t? Where did things go wrong? Often, it wasn’t about superficial stuff, but more about those core things I’d written down. Like, if communication was a disaster, or if there was a fundamental lack of respect or shared values.
I even chatted with a couple of trusted friends, the ones who give it to you straight. I didn’t show them my list like it was some kind of exam, but I talked around the subject. “What do you think is actually important?” I’d ask. And their answers usually circled back to similar themes: respect, communication, shared values, kindness.
So, What’s the Verdict?
After all this mulling it over, here’s what I landed on. I don’t think my standards are “high” in an outrageous way. I think they’re just… my standards. They’re about core compatibility and what I genuinely need to feel happy and secure in a relationship. Things like being treated with respect, being able to communicate openly, and sharing some basic life values aren’t luxury items; they feel more like necessities to me.
Maybe the issue isn’t that my standards are “too high,” but that finding someone who genuinely meets those fundamental criteria, and where there’s mutual attraction and all that jazz, just takes time. And that’s okay. I realized I’d rather wait for something that feels right on a deeper level than settle for something that’s just… there.
It’s not about a checklist of superficial traits. It’s about the substance of a person. And honestly, I don’t think wanting substance is asking for too much. Maybe it just means being patient and clear on what truly matters to me. So yeah, that was my little journey into the land of “standards.” Turns out, it was more about self-discovery than anything else.
