Okay, let’s talk about “blame” in relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately because, man, it’s a doozy in my own life. You know those fights that just go in circles? Yeah, those.
So, a few weeks ago, my partner and I got into this massive argument. It started small, I think it was about the dishes, or maybe the trash, I don’t even remember. But it blew up, and we were both so mad. I started listing all the things he did wrong, and he did the same to me. It was like we were keeping score, you know? Each mistake, each missed chore, it all became ammunition.
We tried to fix it. We really did. We sat down, we talked, we even tried to apologize. But it was like, the damage was done. The words were out there, and we couldn’t take them back. Every time we tried to move on, something would remind us of that fight, and boom, we were right back where we started. Pointing fingers, feeling hurt, not really listening to each other.
After a few days of this tension, I was like, “This is exhausting. We can’t keep doing this.” It felt like we were stuck in this blame game, and nobody was winning. It made me wonder, what’s the point of being together if we’re just going to make each other miserable? I started thinking about why we always end up blaming each other. Is it just our personalities? Are we just incompatible? I had no answers, just a lot of frustration.
Trying Something New
I decided to try something different. I mean, what did I have to lose, right? Our usual way of arguing wasn’t working. So, the next time we started to argue, I took a deep breath. Instead of jumping in with my list of complaints, I tried to listen. I mean, really listen. Not just waiting for my turn to talk, but actually hearing what he was saying. And I tried to see things from his perspective, even if I didn’t agree with him. It was hard, I’m not gonna lie. But I kept at it.
- First, I started by just letting him talk without interrupting. This was tough because I always have something to say.
- Then, I tried to repeat back what he said, just to make sure I understood him. Something like, “So, what I hear you saying is…”
- Finally, I tried to empathize, even if I didn’t fully agree. I’d say things like, “I can see why you’d be upset about that.”
Honestly, it felt awkward at first. But I noticed a shift. He seemed to calm down a bit. He started listening to me too. We weren’t just shouting at each other anymore. We were actually having a conversation. We talked about our feelings, our frustrations, and our expectations. It wasn’t easy, but it was a start.
Small Steps, Big Difference
We’re still working on it. It’s not like we magically stopped arguing overnight. But things are definitely better. We’re learning to communicate without resorting to blame. We’re trying to understand each other, even when we disagree. We’re using “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always do this…” It’s a process, you know? But it feels like we’re moving in the right direction. We’re taking responsibility for our own feelings and actions, instead of just blaming each other. And let me tell you, it makes a world of difference. It’s like a weight has been lifted. We’re not perfect, but we’re trying, and that’s what matters, right?
Blame is a heavy thing to carry around. It can eat away at a relationship, causing resentment, disconnection, and a whole lot of pain. But I’m starting to see that there’s another way. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. If you’re struggling with blame in your relationship, maybe give this a try. You might be surprised at the results. We all make mistakes, we’re human, we should stop blaming others.
