So I was playing Cards Against Humanity the other day, and one of the cards was “fleshlight”. I didn’t know what that was, so like any sane person, I pulled out my phone and looked it up on Urban Dictionary. Yeah, that’s right, I went straight to the source of all things good and holy – Urban Dictionary.
First thing I saw was that a fleshlight is supposed to get a guy off. It said it’s like a dildo for dudes. Makes sense, I guess. There were a bunch of other words for it too, like “rawlplugging” (what the hell?), “dildack”, “guybrator”, and “fleshy”. I guess people get creative when they’re talking about this stuff.
How the hell do I use it?
I found some guides on how to use a Fleshlight and how to clean it. Important stuff, you know? You don’t want to be using a dirty one, do you? They said not all Fleshlights are the same. Okay, so there are different kinds. This is getting complicated.
Then I got confused. Urban Dictionary has this algorithm thing that suggests the top 5 slang words for “confused”. They were “huh”, “confuzzled”, “confuzzle”, and “perplexed”. Yeah, that’s about how I felt at that point.
My head is spinning
And then, there was this definition: “A male self-pleasure method consisting of a slice of sourdough bread doused with olive oil and balsamic vinegar in which one would proceed to use said improvised device like a…” Okay, I’m done. That’s enough internet for one day. I’m not even going to finish that sentence.
Anyway, I learned a lot about Fleshlights today. More than I probably wanted to know, to be honest. But hey, at least I can say I expanded my vocabulary. And I’ll definitely never look at sourdough bread the same way again.
