So, you wanna know how it went down, huh? Lemme tell ya, it ain’t like ordering takeout. Nobody hands you a neat little manual for this kinda thing. You’re pretty much fumbling in the dark, scared outta your mind most of the time.
First off, forget about clear answers. It was all whispers and sketchy websites, each one making you feel more like a criminal or just plain stupid. Felt like I was tryin’ to decipher some ancient, forbidden text, not gettin’ info that should be, well, available. Everyone’s got an opinion, sure, but actual help? Good luck with that. It’s a lonely road, that’s for damn sure.
Gettin’ the stuff itself, that was another whole rodeo. Don’t even ask. Felt like I was doin’ something real shady, heart poundin’ the whole time. And then you’re just sittin’ there, lookin’ at these little pills, thinkin’, “Is this really it? Am I really gonna do this?” The weight of it, man, it’s heavy. Like a sack of bricks on your chest.
And the process? Don’t let anyone tell you it’s simple. It’s not like taking an aspirin for a headache. My body went through the wringer. Cramps like I ain’t never known, feeling sick, shaking… it was rough. Real rough. You’re just curled up, waitin’ for it to be over, countin’ the damn minutes. And the bleeding, jeez. You just hope you’re doin’ it right, that it’s all gonna be okay, but there’s this gnawing fear in the pit of your stomach the whole time.
There were moments I was just lying there, thinkin’ I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. Scared I’d messed myself up for good. It wasn’t just physical, y’know? My head was all over the place. One minute relief, the next minute this wave of sadness, then anger, then just… empty. It’s a real mind-bender, the whole thing.
Afterward, it’s not like a switch flips and everything’s back to normal. Nah. You carry it with you. Took me a long time to feel like myself again, if I’m bein’ honest. And even now, it’s just… there. A thing that happened. A hard thing. You just kinda learn to live with the memory, I guess. It’s not something you just forget, no matter how much you might want to sometimes. It’s a part of your story, a tough chapter.
