So yeah, today’s thing is about picking guys wisely, especially for getting close. Used to think it wasn’t a big deal, just go with the flow, see what happens. Man, was I wrong more times than I care to admit.
Started realizing I needed a better way after a few situations that just… sucked. One dude showed up reeking of cheap beer, didn’t even brush his teeth. Seriously? Another ghosted me completely the next morning like nothing happened. Felt cheap. Made me actually sit down and scratch my head about what really mattered.
How I Got Clarity
Wasn’t like I had a fancy checklist or anything. Just started paying attention during chats, before anything even started. Started noticing red flags I used to ignore. Like, when a guy gets super pushy right away? Big nope. Or if he brushes off what I want? Not happening.
I got practical about it. Here’s the stuff that shot straight to the top of my list:
- Safety first, always: Does he respect my “no”? Can I trust him? This ain’t negotiable. You gotta feel physically safe, period.
- Is he paying attention? Does he actually listen? Not just pretend? Communication feels like a lost art sometimes. If he can’t talk about basic stuff or gets weird discussing protection or what feels good? Dealbreaker.
- Where’s his head at? This one’s harder, but crucial. Is he decent? Does he see me as a person, or just a target? The guys who joke disrespectfully about other women? Yeah, next time it’ll be about you. Learned that the hard way.
- Chemistry matters, sure… But all spark and zero respect? That burns out FAST. Now I know attraction needs a foundation of those other things.
- Basic Hygiene. For real. This shouldn’t need saying, but it totally does. Cleanliness? Non-negotiable. Showing up looking like he rolled out of a dumpster? Hard pass. Got tired of making excuses for grown men acting like grubs.
Putting it into Action
Changed how I approached things. Instead of jumping in, I slowed right down. Paid attention to what guys said, how they said it. Watched how they treated the waitress, how they talked about their exes. Sounds simple, but it’s telling.
Started actually saying what I needed upfront. Like, “Hey, I need to know you respect my boundaries.” Or “Condoms are mandatory, no discussion.” If he got squirmy or defensive? Bye. Saved me so much hassle.
Also learned to ditch guys who only talked about sex, nothing else. Those interactions felt empty and kinda gross afterwards.
Still working on it, figuring it out as I go. Picked wrong recently? Yep. But way less often. Now, when it feels good? It’s actually GOOD, because I know I picked someone who clears the basic bar. Takes effort, but damn, the peace of mind is worth it.
