Let me walk you through how I tackled figuring out dom/sub dynamics in my own relationship last month. Started simple – my partner and I sat at our kitchen table with this exact question hanging between us. Didn’t overcomplicate things, just grabbed two pens and a stack of sticky notes.
First activity was brutal honestly hour. We split notes into three piles: what I thought they’d like, what they actually wanted themselves, and absolute no-go zones. Saw some real surprises – like how they wrote “control in small moments” when I’d assumed they craved 24/7 domination. Big lightbulb moment right there.
Testing Waters Phase
Took those notes and ran experiments week by week. Tuesday became mini-protocol testing day:
- Morning command tests (like choosing their coffee cup)
- Afternoon power exchange trials (task delegation with sunset deadlines)
- Evening check-ins with thumbs up/thumbs down ratings
Found weird mismatches fast – turns out I hated giving constant orders but thrived setting strategic rules. They got squirmy when I used stern voice but melted during silent expectation moments. We kept crossing off notes that felt like costumes.
The Groove Moment
Everything clicked during week three’s movie night. They handed me the remote without asking – total spontaneous power transfer. I paused it halfway, looked them dead in the eye and said “kneel”. Just… worked. Electric. Realized organic moments outweighed any scripted roleplay.
Biggest lesson? Throw out the dom/sub rulebook. Our final dynamic looks nothing like expected – he’s actually the rules enforcer during work hours while I take evenings. Feels like putting on broken-in leather boots instead of stiff dress shoes. Messy human stuff beats textbook roles every damn time.
