So I started digging into this whole cheaters remorse thing last month after my buddy Dave called me drunk at 2 AM. Could barely understand him, but he kept saying “I messed up bad” over and over. Dude cheated on his wife during a work trip and was drowning in guilt.
What I Actually Did First
Honestly? I Googled “why do I feel like garbage after cheating?”.
Found a ton of fancy articles with words longer than my grocery list.
Boring.
I messaged three friends who went through this mess before – anonymously at first, didn’t wanna pry. One guy ignored me. Sarah spilled everything. Said she couldn’t sleep for weeks after her fling, kept throwing up before work. Mark just texted back “Feels like dying slowly. Don’t recommend.”
Putting Their Stories Together
After listening, I realized cheaters remorse isn’t just guilt. It’s this messy pile of:
- Getting caught – Pure panic when reality hits
- Self-hate – Sarah said she stared at herself in the mirror calling herself horrible names
- Scared of the bomb – That crushing weight of “my world might explode when I confess”
- Feeling fake – Mark said hugging his girlfriend afterward made him feel like a fraud
My buddy Dave? Textbook case. Hiding texts, avoiding home, drinking way too much – classic signs.
How I Tested Fixes (Seriously)
Couldn’t exactly cheat on my wife to test theories. So I dug deeper with Sarah and Mark. Asked them straight up: “What actually helped?”
- Sarah stopped making excuses First week she blamed her job stress, her partner’s mood… typical denial. Once she admitted “No, I chose this” – that’s when she could breathe a little.
- Mark wrote a real letter Not an “I’m sorry you feel that way” garbage note. He wrote everything he did, why it was garbage, how he broke trust. He burned it after. Said putting it on paper forced honesty.
- They both did zero contact Sarah blocked the affair guy everywhere instantly. Mark deleted every single trace – texts, pics, social media contacts. No “just checking their profile”.
The Real Turning Point For Dave
I basically threw these steps at Dave like a life raft:
- Call off the affair TODAY: No “maybe one last time”. Just cut the cord.
- Confess or shut up forever: If he tells his wife? Total honesty. If not? Take that secret to the grave and never do it again. No halfway.
- Get therapy: Not optional. He found someone specializing in infidelity within a week.
Checked back yesterday. Dave’s still messed up, obviously. But he stopped drinking daily, started couples counseling with his wife. Said writing that confession letter made him cry like a baby, but he feels lighter.
So yeah. Cheaters remorse? It’s hell. But burying it makes it worse. Face the ugly truth fast, cut the BS, and do the work. Or live in that self-made prison forever.
