Well, let me tell you, I heard some folks talking ’bout this thing, can masturbation cause STD. Sounds like a load of hogwash to me, but I figured I’d try to write it down for ya. These young people and their questions!
Now, I ain’t no doctor, but I’ve lived a long life. I reckon I know a thing or two. This whole mess sounds mighty confusing. STD, what in tarnation is that? Sounds like a newfangled kind of fertilizer. Anyway, they say it’s somethin’ you catch from bein’ with someone, you know, in the way that makes babies. That’s all I am sayin’ on that.
This masturbation thing, that’s when you’re, um, well, pleasuring yourself, I guess is the polite way to say it. Like, when you are alone. How could that give you somethin’ that you catch from someone else? It just don’t make no sense. These kids are crazy!
If you ain’t with nobody, how are you gonna catch their germs? I mean, think about it. It’s like sayin’ you can catch a cold from a scarecrow in the field. That scarecrow ain’t sneezin’ on nobody!
Masturbation, as far as I can tell, is a pretty common thing. Most folks do it, though they might not talk about it. It’s like pickin’ your nose, everyone does it but nobody wants to admit it. And it is just you, by your lonesome, doing your own thing. There is not other people around, so how can you get sick?
Now, I heard some folks say that some of these STD things can go away on their own. Like a bad cold, I suppose. They say some of it is called “Hepatitis B” and “HPV”. Sounds like somethin’ you’d name a cow, not a sickness. If your body is strong, it can fight it off. That’s what I heard, anyways. Strong like ox, that’s me. Some people, they are just weak. They need to eat more, work more, be outside more, you know?
- Hepatitis B – sounds like a bad thing
- HPV – also sounds bad
- If you’re strong, you can beat it! Just be strong!
I also heard that kissin’ is usually okay, but there’s still some risk of catchin’ somethin’ nasty. Like “herpes” or “syphilis”. Those sound awful, don’t they? Like somethin’ that’d make your hair fall out. If you got those things on your mouth, just don’t go kissing anyone. Keep it to yourself, you know?
These things, these STDs, they say they’re caused by tiny little bugs, so small you can’t even see ’em. They get in your blood and other, uh, body things. I don’t want to think about it too much, makes my stomach churn. But that is how you get sick, those little bugs in your body. Can masturbation cause STD? No way, you are not getting those bugs from yourself!
So, if you’re just doin’ your own thing, by yourself, how are these little bugs gonna jump on you? They ain’t got wings, far as I know. It is like saying that you can get those bugs from touching yourself. It is just not possible.
This all sounds like a bunch of young folks worryin’ about nothin’. Back in my day, we didn’t have time to worry about these things. We were too busy workin’ on the farm. From sun up to sun down, work, work, work! Now all those young people think about is these things. Crazy!
But I guess it’s good to be careful. If you’re gonna be with someone, you know, in that way, you should probably be smart about it. Don’t go around spreadin’ these little bugs. Nobody wants that.
Now, some folks say that masturbation can even be good for you. Keeps things, uh, flowin’ properly, I suppose. Like oiling a rusty gate. Can it make you sick? No way, it can even be good. But don’t go around telling everyone, they will think you are crazy. Just do it alone, like everyone else.
There’s nothin’ wrong with it, far as I can tell. Just don’t go gettin’ any ideas about catchin’ somethin’ from yourself. That’s just silly.
I still don’t really understand what these STDs are, all these letters and such. But I know you catch ’em from other folks. So, if you are not playing with others, you are safe. Easy!
Can masturbation cause STD? I don’t think so. I am pretty sure you are good to go. You are safe as long as you don’t go around playing with other people. Stay safe, kids!
Well, I hope that clears things up. It’s all a bit confusin’, ain’t it? Just remember, if you’re by yourself, you’re probably fine. Don’t go around touching yourself and then someone else, that is just asking for trouble! Now, go on and get out of here, you young whippersnappers! I need a nap.
