I found this hot topic the other day, and it made me think about my own experiences, so I wanted to share.
A while back, my wife and I hit a rough patch. We loved each other, but things were just, well, off. We kept arguing, and honestly, we were both miserable. We thought about just calling it quits, you know, a divorce. But that felt so final, so drastic. So, we decided to try something else first – a trial separation.
We found an apartment nearby so it was easier to take care of kids, not far from my place, so I could still see them often and go to work without any trouble. That’s what we did, we moved out. Living apart wasn’t easy. The first few days were weird, empty. I missed the little things, like our usual morning routine and hearing her laugh.
We set some ground rules. We decided to talk every day, just a quick call to check in. It wasn’t about getting back together immediately but just to stay connected. We also agreed to meet up once a week, just us, to talk about how we were feeling. No heavy stuff, just honest chats about what we were going through.
During the separation, I did a lot of thinking. I started seeing a therapist, which was a huge help. It was good to talk to someone outside of the situation, someone who could give me perspective. I realized I had some things to work on, you know, stuff I hadn’t been paying attention to in the marriage.
- Daily Calls: Just a simple check-in to see how the other person was doing.
- Weekly Meetups: Time for us, no kids, to talk openly and honestly about our feelings.
- Therapy: Both of us talked to therapists individually to work on personal issues.
My wife, she did her own thing too. She started focusing on her art again, something she’d put on hold. She seemed happier, more like herself. We weren’t trying to change each other, just giving ourselves the space to be who we were without all the tension.
After a few months, we started talking about what we wanted for the future. It wasn’t easy, and there were definitely some tough conversations. But we were communicating better than we had in years. We were listening to each other, really hearing what the other person was saying.
In the end, we decided to give our marriage another shot. We moved back in together, but things were different this time. We were more patient, more understanding. We were committed to making things work, not just for us but for our kids too.
So, does a trial separation work? I’d say it can, but it’s not a magic fix. It’s more like hitting the pause button, taking a step back to figure things out. You gotta be willing to do the work, both on yourself and on the relationship. It’s not easy, but sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to move forward, whether that’s together or apart.
If you’re going through something similar, just know that every couple is different. What worked for us might not work for everyone. The important thing is to be honest with yourself and with each other. Talk, listen, and give each other the space to grow. It might just be the thing that saves your relationship, or it might help you realize it’s time to move on. Either way, it’s about finding your way back to happiness, whatever that looks like.
