Okay, so yesterday, after chatting with some folks online who were stressed about this exact thing, I decided to finally sit down and really think through my own experience with size differences during sex. Gotta be real, most dudes seem to think bigger is automatically better, right? Like it’s some kind of ultimate goal. But man, that ain’t always the truth. Sometimes, it just causes problems. Pain, discomfort, feeling totally disconnected… not exactly fun.
Where It Started – My Own “Oh Shit” Moment
Couple years back, I was with someone amazing. Connection was killer, but physically? Man, we kept hitting walls. Like, literally. Certain positions she just couldn’t handle comfortably. I remember this one time we tried doggy style, full of excitement, and BAM – she kinda flinched hard and had to stop. Said it felt like I was hitting something deep inside, like a wall, and it stung bad. That was a real wake-up call. My ego took a little hit for sure, thinking maybe she wasn’t into it, but she kept reassuring me she was totally into me, just that my size was making some things difficult.
Actually Talking It Out (For Real)
First step? Talking. Honestly. Way harder than it sounds. I used to just kinda bull my way through stuff, hoping it would feel okay. Bad plan. We sat down when we weren’t all hot and bothered, clothes on even. I asked her straight up: “What hurts? Where does it feel okay? What feels good vs. what feels like too much?” Her answers were eye-opening. The deep penetration was usually the culprit, especially in positions where I could really thrust hard or deep.
- Specific Pain Spot: Hitting her cervix was a big no-no. Painful as hell for her.
- Discomfort Zones: Certain angles, especially if she wasn’t fully relaxed or warmed up, just didn’t work.
- What Helped: Slower starts, way more foreplay than I thought necessary, positions where she could control depth.
Diving Into the Research (Like a Detective)
After talking, I hit up reliable sources – actual medical sites, sex educator blogs (the legit kind, not porn). Needed to understand the anatomy better. Learned about the cervix position changing depending on arousal (it pulls up!), the importance of lube (SO important), and how communication really needs to happen DURING sex too, not just before.
Getting Practical in the Bedroom
Okay, theory time was over. Had to put this to the test. Here’s what we actually did next time:
- Warmed Up Properly: Seriously upped the foreplay game. Not just a couple of minutes. Focusing on her for way longer.
- Lube Brigade: Pulled out the good water-based or hybrid stuff, even if she felt naturally ready. Extra slickness helps reduce friction big time.
- Position Play: Ditched positions known for deep penetration (like full-on deep doggy or jackhammer missionary). Tried things like:
- Cowgirl: This became golden. She could control exactly how deep I went, leaning forward or sitting upright to adjust. Felt way safer and hotter for her.
- Spooning: Cozy, close, and again, she could easily press back against me or pull away to control it. Plus, my thrusts naturally felt shallower.
- Modified Missionary: Instead of lying full weight, I’d prop myself up on my elbows, or she’d keep her legs closer together – simple changes to limit how deep I could get.
- The “Onerie” Trick: Learned about Ohnuts (but kept it generic since links are out). Basically, soft rings I could stack on myself to limit depth. Found a DIY version online using something safe and easy to find. Game changer! Took the pressure off her having to constantly brace or pull away.
Checking In, Like Constantly
The biggest shift was constant communication during sex itself. Like, actually pausing to ask “You good?” or “How’s that?” or her just saying “Slow down a bit” or “Hold there.” Felt weird at first, like it might kill the mood, but honestly? The opposite happened. Knowing she felt safe to speak up made us both way more relaxed and into it. Trust shot way up.
What Actually Worked (The Real Deal)
So, after all this trial and error, what stuck?
- Her On Top Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl – giving her control consistently worked best.
- The Depth Limiter: Seriously, whatever version you find/use, it made a HUGE difference in comfort without sacrificing much sensation for me.
- Tons of Lube: Non-negotiable now. Always reapply.
- Slower, More Intentional Starts: Building up slowly instead of going full throttle right away.
- Speaking Up: Making “check-ins” part of the rhythm itself. A sexy murmur of “You okay?” can be surprisingly hot.
Final Reality Check
Listen, having a larger size can come with challenges, simple as that. It’s not some magical free pass to mind-blowing sex. It takes extra effort, tons of sensitivity, and genuine communication to make it feel good and safe for both people involved. Ignoring the size issue just leads to hurt feelings, pain, and shitty sex. Facing it head-on, talking about it, and getting creative with solutions? That changed everything for us. Sex went from frustrating to seriously amazing because we were finally working together to make it good.
