Okay folks, buckle up. My boyfriend Jake dropped the open relationship bomb on me last Tuesday night. We were just chilling on the couch rewatching The Office, totally normal night, and bam – out of nowhere he goes, “Hey, so I’ve been thinking… what if we tried seeing other people too?” I nearly choked on my popcorn.
First Reaction: Pure Panic Mode
My stomach did a full flip. Like, instant cold sweat. Was he bored? Did he already have someone in mind? Was I about to get dumped? I stared at him like he’d grown a second head. Tried to keep my voice steady, but it definitely cracked. “Uh… what? Open relationship? Where’s this coming from?” I basically spent the next hour asking a million frantic questions while trying not to throw up. He mumbled something about “exploring” and “not wanting to miss out.” Super helpful, Jake.
The Night After: Turning Into A Google Goblin
Couldn’t sleep a wink. My brain was running laps around every worst-case scenario. So, I grabbed my laptop and went full detective mode:
- Typed “open relationship advice” into the search bar about fifty times.
- Read blog posts until my eyes blurred – some people loved it, some said it destroyed them.
- Scrolled through Reddit threads feeling like my heart was getting squeezed. So many messy stories.
- Kept asking myself: What do I actually want? Not what Jake wants, not what some internet stranger thinks.
Honestly? All the reading just made me feel more confused and kinda queasy.
The Honest Gut Check
Took a long walk by myself the next day. Really listened to that little voice inside screaming “HELL NO.” Realized something huge: The idea of Jake being with someone else ripped my heart out. Zero percent okay. Not jealous, possessive nonsense – just a deep, bone-deep knowing that this wasn’t the relationship I signed up for. Sharing wasn’t part of the deal. I want commitment, not complicated.
Talking Round Two: Rip Off The Band-Aid
Scheduled “The Talk” for Thursday. Tried to channel calm, even though my hands were shaking. Laid it out straight:
“Jake, I heard you. I thought about it. Hard. I looked stuff up. And honestly? I cannot do an open relationship. It’s not what I want. At all.”
He looked surprised. Tried backtracking, saying “maybe just flirting?” or “just casual dates?” Nope. My line was clear. I told him I understood his curiosity, but if an open thing was what he needed, then we were fundamentally wanting different things. That sucks to say out loud.
The Messy Ending
Predictably, it got ugly. He was confused, then kinda pissed, then sad. We went in circles. He wanted me to “just try it.” I stood my ground. My boundary wasn’t a negotiation tactic. Took three brutal days of this emotional tug-of-war. Lots of tears (mostly mine), lots of late-night “but what if…” talks that went nowhere.
Final realization? We both wanted fundamentally different relationships now. It was heartbreaking, but pretending otherwise would have been a bigger disaster.
What Actually Happened? (Spoiler: Not Pretty)
Sunday night, I packed a bag. Told him it was done. If he wanted to “explore,” he was free to. Just not as my boyfriend. Walking out felt impossible, like dragging cement shoes. I cried the whole drive to my friend’s couch. Blocked his number and socials for my own sanity – seeing anything was instant agony. Worst fucking mess I’ve walked through in years.
Doing The Work (Alone)
Now? I’m surviving. Some days suck majorly. But focusing on me:
- Staying busy with work and dumb hobbies (learnt to knit poorly).
- Journaling like mad to get all the nasty feelings out.
- Bothering my friends constantly – seriously, thank god for good mates.
- Reminding myself every damn day that I did the right thing standing up for what I need. Compromising on core needs just blows up later.
It hurts, yeah. Feels like failure sometimes. But deep down? I know letting go was the only way to stay true to myself. Doesn’t make it easier, just necessary.
