Today I wanna talk about something heavy, something that can make or break a relationship – I call it the “the four horsemen marriage.” I’ve been doing some digging, and trust me, this stuff is real.
So, first off, I started by looking up what these “four horsemen” actually are. Turns out, they’re these nasty habits that can sneak into a marriage and mess things up big time. I found out they are called criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. Sounds pretty harsh, right?
Then, I got to thinking, how do I even deal with these things? I mean, nobody wants a relationship full of criticism and all that negativity. So, I did what any normal person would do – I dove deeper into research. I wanted to know how to fight back against these horsemen and keep my marriage strong.
How did I do that?
- First thing I did was to write down examples of each “horseman.” Like, what does criticism actually look like in a fight with my spouse? Or defensiveness? Once I saw it on paper, it was easier to spot in real life.
- Next, I tried to practice the opposite of each horseman. Instead of criticizing, I tried to find ways to talk about my problems without blaming my spouse. It was tough, but it made a huge difference.
- I also started paying more attention to how I reacted when my spouse got upset. Instead of getting all defensive, I tried to really listen and understand where they were coming from.
- The hardest one was contempt. That’s like, the ultimate relationship killer. So I made a conscious effort to treat my spouse with respect, even when we were fighting.
It wasn’t easy, not at all. There were times I messed up, times I wanted to just give in to those old habits. But I kept at it. I kept practicing, kept trying to be better.
And you know what? It actually worked. Slowly but surely, things started to change. We started fighting less, understanding each other more. It was like we were a team again, working together instead of against each other.
So, yeah, that’s my story of how I took on the four horsemen of marriage. It’s a battle, no doubt about it. But with a little bit of effort, a little bit of practice, you can win. And trust me, a healthy, happy marriage is worth fighting for.
