Okay, here is my sharing about overcoming fear of intimacy based on my own experience, told in a personal, anecdotal style:
So, I started this whole thing because I realized I was messing up my relationships. Not just the romantic ones, but friendships too. I always kept people at arm’s length. Never really let anyone in. I figured it was time to do something about it. First thing I did? I started to dig into why I was like this.
I read some stuff online, trying to figure myself out. I even had a few chats with a therapist, which was a big step for me. It wasn’t easy, looking back at my past and all. I realized a lot of my fear came from there. Old hurts, you know? I was scared to trust anyone again.
Once I had a better idea of what my problem was, I started taking baby steps to change things. First up, I picked a friend I felt safe with. Someone who was patient and didn’t push me. I started to open up to them, just a little at a time. Sharing small things, nothing too heavy at first. It was scary, not gonna lie. But each time I did it, it got a bit easier.
Then, I started to push myself to do things that scared me. Like, I used to avoid one-on-one hangouts, always suggesting we invite more people. I started saying yes to those, even though it made me nervous. I even initiated a couple myself. I started to see that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And I started to get rid of some negative ideas.
- I tried to be more present when I was with people. Really listening and engaging, instead of being in my head and worrying about what they thought of me.
- I practiced saying what I really thought and felt, even if it was just about small stuff. Like, admitting I didn’t like a movie everyone else loved, or sharing a silly dream I had.
- I started setting boundaries. This one was hard. I realized I let people walk all over me before, ’cause I was afraid to rock the boat. But I started to speak up for myself, politely but firmly. And you know what? People actually respected me more for it.
It wasn’t a straight line, this whole process. I had setbacks. Days where I just wanted to hide under the covers and not talk to anyone. But I kept at it, little by little. And you know what? Things started to change. I felt closer to my friends. I even started dating again. And this time, I was able to let someone in, really in.
What I Learned
The biggest thing I realized is that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s not a weakness, it’s actually a strength. It takes guts to open yourself up to someone, knowing they could hurt you. But it’s the only way to have real, meaningful relationships. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come. And I’m actually excited about the future, for once. I finally understood that people fear that which they do not know. This also happened to me. So I started to know and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. And I started to feel that I can handle it.
