Okay, so I’ve been trying out these things called Gottman interventions with my partner, and let me tell you, it’s been quite a ride. We started this whole thing because, honestly, our communication was, well, not the best. We’d get into these silly arguments that would just spiral out of control. It was like we were speaking different languages or something.
So, I did some digging around and stumbled upon this Gottman Therapy stuff, developed by some guy named Dr. John Gottman. Apparently, it’s all about improving communication and resolving conflicts in relationships. Sounded like exactly what we needed.
We dove right in. One of the first things we tried was this “speaker-listener” exercise. Basically, one person talks, and the other just listens and asks questions—no interrupting, no arguing, just listening. It was weird at first, I won’t lie. We’re so used to jumping in and trying to fix things right away or getting defensive. But we stuck with it.
- I remember this one time, my partner was talking about feeling overwhelmed with work.
- Instead of jumping in with solutions, I just kept asking questions like, “What’s been the most stressful part of your day?” or “How are you feeling about that right now?”.
- It felt strange not to offer advice, but I could see my partner really opening up.
Another thing we worked on was this “5:1 ratio” thing. The idea is that you need to have five positive interactions for every negative one during a conflict. Sounds simple, but it’s harder than you’d think! We started making a conscious effort to say nice things, show appreciation, and just be kind to each other, even when we were annoyed. And if one of us screwed up, we would offer five nice things to make up for it.
We also learned about these “bids for connection.” These are like little attempts to get your partner’s attention or affection. It could be something as simple as a smile, a touch, or asking about their day. We started paying more attention to these bids and responding to them. It’s amazing how much of a difference it makes when you feel like your partner is really paying attention to you.
It wasn’t all smooth sailing, though. There were times when we messed up, fell back into old habits. But we kept practicing, kept trying. We even used these little prompt cards with questions to help us with the speaker-listener thing.
Slowly but surely, we started to see a change. We were arguing less, and when we did argue, it didn’t escalate as much. We were listening to each other more, understanding each other better. It was like we were finally learning to speak the same language.
Results
This whole Gottman thing, it’s not a magic fix. It takes work, real effort. But it’s definitely made a difference in our relationship. We’re not perfect, but we’re communicating better, and that’s a huge win. We’re more aware of how we interact with each other, and we’re making an effort to be more positive and supportive. It feels like we have more tools in our relationship toolbox now, you know?
