Well, let me tell ya, this whole “sex on the side” thing, it ain’t as simple as it sounds. It’s a whole mess of stuff, you know? People gettin’ all tangled up, like yarn in a kitten’s paws.
Side Sex
This here sex on the side, it’s like when you got your main squeeze, but you’re sneakin’ around with someone else. Like eatin’ cake when you’re supposed to be on a diet. Some folks, they just like that thrill, I guess. Like when you sneak extra cookies from the jar. But it ain’t good, no sir. It’s like plantin’ weeds in your garden, all sneaky-like.
Now I’ve heard them young people talkin’, talkin’ ’bout these “sex positions”. Sounds like some kind of workout to me. They got all these names for it, like they’re different animals or somethin’. This one is “spoon”. You lay there all curled up like two spoons in a drawer, snug as a bug. I guess that’s good for when you’re tired, or when you wake up in the mornin’ and don’t wanna move too much.
Then they got this other one, where you’re, well, they say it’s somethin’ else. But you’re still on your side. Makes my hip hurt just thinkin’ about it. They say it feels different, I guess. It’s like, why not just do it the regular way? This whole thing seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me.
Sex position side by side
There are so many kinds of it. One, two, three…more than twenty. They say it is easy, but it also make you feel good. Different styles, you know. Like when you knit, you can use different ways to make the scarf, same thing, I think. And, yeah, it is all about sex, how to make it good, how to make it fun. I am too old for this, but, well, young people love to try new things. They make it a big deal, oh lord.
- This spoon thing, good for in the morning.
- Some other thing, lots of names.
- Makes people happy, I hear.
- Different strokes for different folks, as they say.
And then there are some folks who don’t even like that other thing, that thing with the, you know… that in-and-out thing. They just like all the other stuff. The kissin’, the huggin’, the… well, you get the picture. They call themselves “sides.” They are into any other things, but not that, especially not that anal thing, they say it’s dirty. It’s like only eatin’ the frosting and not the cake. To each their own, I reckon. But it sure does seem strange to me.
They say this “side” thing ain’t about bein’ missin’ somethin’. It’s about knowin’ what you like. Like knowin’ you like apple pie better than peach. It ain’t a bad thing, just different. It ain’t like you’re gonna become a “top” or a “bottom” later. Whatever those are. Sounds like bunk beds to me. It’s just what you like, plain and simple. Like preferrin’ red over blue.
Sex Tips and Toys
These young folks today, they got all sorts of contraptions. “Toys,” they call ’em. For, well, you know. It’s like usin’ a fancy newfangled mixer when you could just use a good old wooden spoon. I don’t understand it, but they seem to like it. And they got all these tips, like it’s some kind of recipe. “Do this,” “do that,” “try this position.” It’s a lot to keep track of.
They say it makes things more excitin’, tryin’ new things. Like addin’ a new spice to your stew. Might make it better, might not. But it’s somethin’ to do, I suppose. And they say it can make you, well, you know, feel good in new ways. Like findin’ a new muscle you didn’t know you had. I guess that’s a good thing. When you get old, you appreciate any feelin’ you can get.
And, they make a big deal about climbin’ on top, how hard it is, how you need help. Goodness, when I was young, we just did it. No instruction manual needed. Now it is like you need to get training first. Too much these days, I say. Too much.
I don’t know, this whole sex on the side business, it just seems like a lot of fuss. A lot of complications. Why can’t people just be happy with what they got? It’s like wantin’ a whole new set of dishes when the ones you have work just fine. But what do I know? I’m just an old lady. My days of all that are long gone. I’m more concerned about my arthritis and my garden these days.
But hey, if it makes ’em happy, I guess it ain’t hurtin’ anyone. Just as long as they’re careful. And don’t get caught. That’s the worst, gettin’ caught. Like gettin’ caught with your hand in the cookie jar. It’s a mess, a real mess. And I have seen enough mess in my day, let me tell you.
So, this side thing, it can be many things. Sneaky, fun, different. It is what you like. Just know what you are doing. It is like cooking. You follow the steps, you get the food. You don’t, you get mess. But, well, this old lady here, she’s seen enough. You young people, you do you. Just be careful out there, ya hear?
