This thing, this boundary thing, it’s like when you’re plantin’ your garden, you gotta put up a fence, right? Keep them darn rabbits out. Keep your own chickens in. Keeps things tidy, you know? It’s like sayin’, “This here’s my space, and that there’s yours.” Ain’t no need to be gettin’ all mixed up together. You do your thing, I do mine, everyone’s happy as a clam.
Now, this ultimatum, that’s a whole different kettle of fish. That’s like sayin’, “You do what I say, or I’m takin’ my marbles and goin’ home!” It’s like tryin’ to force someone’s hand. Ain’t nobody likes that. It’s like, “You eat your peas, or no dessert!” Who wants to be bossed around like that? Not me, I tell ya. Not me.
See, a boundary, that’s for you. It’s about what you’re okay with. Like, “I ain’t gonna listen to you badmouthin’ my sister. That ain’t right.” It’s about respectin’ yourself, you see? You’re sayin’, “This is where I draw the line.” It’s like puttin’ up a “No Trespassing” sign. People know where they stand.
But an ultimatum, that’s about controllin’ someone else. It’s like sayin’, “If you don’t stop watchin’ that football, I’m leavin’ ya!” It’s tryin’ to scare someone into doin’ what you want. It’s like threatenin’ to take away their favorite toy. Ain’t nobody likes that kind of treatment. It just makes folks mad and want to dig their heels in even more.
- Boundary is like a fence.
- Ultimatum is like a threat.
- Boundary is about you.
- Ultimatum is about controlling someone else.
- Boundary is good.
- Ultimatum is bad.
You see them folks who are always givin’ ultimatums? They’re usually the ones who are scared. Scared of losin’ control, scared of things not goin’ their way. They think they can bully people into submission. But it don’t work that way. Not in the long run, it don’t.
If you’re in this with somebody, maybe your fella or your girl. It’s good to set boundary, everybody need it. If this is not good, you can say no. If he or she ask you do something, you can say no, because that’s your boundary. That’s good.
Ultimatum, that’s not good. That’s no good at all. You want someone to do something, or you do something bad. That’s like, if you don’t give me money, I tell your mama. Or, if you don’t do the dishes, I won’t talk to you. That is ultimatum. That will only make people mad, really mad.
You want someone to change, just talk. Don’t give ultimatum. Just talk and talk. Maybe they will change, maybe not. But you can’t make them with ultimatum. You try ultimatum, maybe they do what you want, but they are not happy. And soon, they won’t listen to you anymore.
So, boundary is important. You have your boundary, I have my boundary. We respect each other’s boundary. We are all happy. Ultimatum is not like that. Ultimatum is just trouble, big, big trouble.
Like that time when my neighbor, she tried to tell her husband that he had to stop playin’ cards with his buddies every Friday night. Gave him an ultimatum, she did. Said she’d leave him if he didn’t stop. Well, he stopped for a little while. But he was miserable. And she was miserable watchin’ him be miserable. And you know what? He started sneakin’ around, playin’ cards anyway. Made things even worse.
Now, if she’d just set a boundary, like sayin’, “Honey, I need you to be home with the kids one night a week. Friday nights are for your friends, but how about you stay home with us on Saturdays?” See, that’s different. That’s respectin’ his need for time with his friends, but also sayin’ what she needed too. It’s important for a healthy relationship.
Boundary is good for healthy relationship, ultimatum is not. If you want your relationship to be long, like 100 years, use boundary, not ultimatum.
So, you see the difference? A boundary is about keepin’ things healthy and respectful. An ultimatum is about tryin’ to control someone through fear and threats. One builds things up, the other tears things down. It’s as simple as that, really. You need to know what’s your boundary and respect others boundary. And you’d better forget ultimatum, it’s not good for everyone.
You be good to yourself, and you be good to others. And remember what I said about fences and gardens. They’re there for a reason. Just like boundaries. And remember, don’t use ultimatum, it will only bring you troubles. Use boundary and talk, just talk.
