Wife kept bugging me to take the kids somewhere fun before school starts. Saw Hollywood on her Instagram feed. “Perfect!” she said. Me? Not so sure. But hey, gotta be the fun dad sometimes.
The Grand Plan (That Fell Apart Fast)
Woke up early Sunday. Packed snacks, water bottles, sunscreen – felt like preparing for Everest. Loaded the minivan with the kids, Jack (5yo energy tornado) and little Emily (3yo who hates the car seat). Hit the freeway. Mistake Number One: Thinking LA traffic respects weekends.
Sat. In. The. Car. For like, forever. GPS said 45 minutes. Took us two hours. Kids started asking “are we there yet?” before we even left the neighborhood. By the time we crawled off the 101 exit near Hollywood Boulevard, Jack was bouncing off the seats and Emily looked ready to explode.
Hollywood Boulevard: Not Exactly Kid Paradise
Found parking. Another $30 gone. Walked towards the Walk of Fame. Instantly, saw Elmo. Cool! Jack ran over. Then… Elmo started demanding money for the photo. Loudly. Got kinda scary. Pulled Jack away fast. Saw other characters: some creepy, some just looked tired under those big costumes. Emily hid behind my legs.
Tried pointing out the stars on the ground. “Look, kids, Mickey Mouse!” Blank stares. “Who?” Jack asked. Right. New generation. Sidewalks were super crowded. Had to hold both hands TIGHT. Saw a dude dressed only in sparkly shorts and body paint. Emily pointed and yelled “Naked man!” Felt my face turn red. Grabbed the stroller, pushed faster.
Finding the “Safe” Places
Remembered reading about the Hollywood & Highland Center. Headed there. Inside felt… cleaner. Air conditioning! Lifesaver. Saw the big courtyard with views of the Hollywood sign. Okay, nicer. Kids liked the escalators more than the view, honestly. Found the giant Dino Play area upstairs. Finally! Jack disappeared into a fake T-Rex mouth. Emily found the mini slides. Sat for five whole minutes. Glorious.
Wandered past the Dolby Theatre. Told the kids movies are made in there. Jack wanted to go see Spider-Man. “Is he inside now?” Had to explain it doesn’t work like that. Disappointment.
The “Fun” Things (That Cost All The Money)
Saw signs for the TCL Chinese Theatre. Remembered the handprints. Kids thought pushing their hands into the cement was hilarious. Worth the small victory. Looked at the prices for a tour inside. Yikes. Skipped that. Got hungry. Saw a food court. Two hot dogs, fries, and juice boxes later? $90. Almost choked.
Jack wanted a plastic Oscar statue from a tourist shop. Saw the price tag: $25. “Absolutely not,” I said. Meltdown ensued. Carried him screaming out of the store. Emily started crying too. Felt eyes on me. Classic Dad Fail moment.
Cutting Our Losses (And Going Home)
Wanted to show them the Griffith Observatory for the famous sign view. Looked at the GPS. More traffic. Looked at the kids: tired, whiny, sticky from sugar. Looked at my wallet: much lighter. Called it.
“Okay guys, pool at home?” Cheers. Real cheers. Better than any they gave all day.
Drove home. Kids passed out in five minutes. Quiet. Thought about it all. Hollywood with little kids?
- Safe Havens? Stick to malls like Hollywood & Highland. Inside feels controlled.
- Fun Things? Found the free stuff like handprints worked best. Anything beyond that cost a fortune and brought drama.
- Overall? It’s chaos. Crowds, weird characters, everything’s expensive. Kids get overwhelmed fast. Save Hollywood trips for when they’re older. Much older. Or maybe just watch a movie at home. Easier on the wallet and the nerves.
Told the wife we’re doing the beach next weekend. She agreed fast.
