My First Tampon Adventure: A Hot Mess Story
Okay so listen, I decided today was the day I finally figured these tampon things out. Saw that box staring me down in the bathroom cupboard for weeks, felt kinda dumb not knowing how to use it right. Went online searching “how put in tampon easy guide” and man, so many diagrams! Felt like I needed a degree in rocket science just to understand.
Grabbed that little applicator thingy from the box. Stared at it like it might bite me. Read the instructions again – something about finding a comfortable position. Tried standing with one foot on the toilet seat. Felt super awkward, like I was doing yoga for the first time. Tried sitting on the toilet. That felt weird too. Finally just kinda squatted low. Yeah, that felt less ridiculous.
Got the tampon out of the wrapper. Plastic tube, weird little string hanging out the end. Pinched the grip part like the pictures showed, the spot where it gets skinny. Took a deep breath, tried relaxing my muscles. Yeah, easier said than done! Felt tense everywhere. Aimed it, pushed the plunger thingy slowly. Felt weird pressure, not exactly painful, just… strange? Stopped halfway. Panicked a bit, thought “Did I break it?” Was halfway in!
Left it hanging there for a second like an idiot. Thought “Nope, can’t quit now.” Pushed the rest of that dang plunger in. Whoosh! The outer tube came out. Tugged the string gently. Yep, stayed put. Stood up slowly. Felt like… nothing? Seriously? After all that drama? Felt dry down there still, which was kinda the goal, but also super weird. Kept walking around my apartment doing weird little shuffles to see if I could feel it. Nada. Weirdest victory ever.
Few hours later, forgot it was even in there. Started getting those annoying cramps again. Remembered! Ran to the bathroom. Yanked the string gently. Came out way easier than it went in, thank god. Looked normal, did its job. Felt oddly proud of myself for like five minutes. Then realized I spent half the morning stressing over a tiny piece of cotton and plastic. Life.
Big Takeaways from My Very Scientific Experiment:
- Seriously, relax those muscles. Way harder than it sounds.
- Don’t sweat the position too much. Just do whatever feels least awkward.
- Push the plunger ALL the way, or you’re gonna have a bad time like me.
- That weird pressure? Totally normal, apparently.
- Feeling nothing once it’s in? That’s the whole point!
- Taking it out? Way, way easier. Almost anticlimactic.
So yeah. Mission accomplished. Not exactly graceful, maybe slightly embarrassing, but hey, it worked. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a nap. That was emotionally exhausting.
