Alright, so here’s the thing about this “marriage trial” idea we tried. We were feeling stuck, you know? Arguments over stupid little things constantly. Paying bills, whose turn it was to take the trash out, why one of us always squeezed the toothpaste from the middle… total madness. We felt married but also kinda… distant? Like roommates who bicker. So, after reading some stuff online, we figured, screw it, let’s pretend we’re starting over. Not splitting up, just pressing pause on the “married” label for a bit. A trial.
The Messy Beginning
First thing we did? Packed a bag each. Not like leaving-leaving, but like, moving into separate rooms in the same apartment. Sounds weird, probably is. But we needed space to breathe without tripping over each other’s dirty socks every morning. We set one rule: no going into each other’s room without knocking. Like actually knocking and waiting for “come in.” Harder than it sounds! First few days were… awkward. Silent dinners, bumping into each other in the hallway and mumbling “sorry.” But just having that little bubble helped calm the constant low-level irritation.
The Three Things We Actually Tried
We didn’t just hide in our rooms though. That wasn’t the point. We decided to actively try three specific things during this “trial”:
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1. Scheduled “Dates,” Like Strangers.
- Yup, sat down with our calendars. Blocked out Tuesday evenings and Sunday brunches. No talking about bills, the leaky faucet, or annoying relatives. None of that. Had to treat it like a first date. Where do you wanna eat? What kinda music are you into now? We went bowling one Tuesday – turns out I still suck, but we laughed like crazy about it. Went for walks. Sat in a cafe just people-watching and chatting absolute nonsense. It felt… light. No weight of being “husband and wife.” Just two people hanging out.
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2. The “No Blame” Feedback Loop.
- Okay, this one felt super clunky at first. If something bothered me about what happened during the trial? Instead of “You always leave dishes in the sink!” I had to try: “Hey, when I saw dishes left after lunch today, it made me feel stressed.” No “you” accusations. And then the other person had to just say: “Got it, thanks for telling me,” without defending themselves. Didn’t solve every issue, but man, it stopped arguments dead before they started. Felt less like attacking each other, more just stating facts about feelings.
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3. Re-Deciding, Not Just Enduring.
- This was the biggest mindset shift. Instead of just being married because we signed a paper years ago, every couple of days during the trial, we’d ask: “Do you still want to do this? Like, actively choose it today?” Some days were easy: “Yeah, tonight was fun!” Other days, after a tough workday? Silence. Then maybe a hesitant “…Yeah, I think so. You?” It forced us out of autopilot. We weren’t just stuck together; we were checking in, choosing to try again the next day.
What Actually Happened? Did It Work?
Honestly? It was messy. Awkward as hell sometimes. We didn’t magically transform into perfect partners. There were evenings we skipped the “date” because we were tired and grumpy. The “no blame” thing cracked plenty of times – old habits die hard. But forcing ourselves into this weird experiment did a few things:
First, it broke the pattern. Just living differently, even in small ways, shifted the energy. That space stopped the constant little triggers. Second, the scheduled fun reminded us why we even liked each other once. The laughter came back. And third, actively choosing? That was huge. Saying “I choose to try with you today” out loud, even quietly, even grudgingly some days, felt more real than just grinding through marriage because… inertia.
We ended the “trial” after about a month. Did we go back to “normal”? Kinda, but a new normal. We kept the Tuesday date nights. We try (TRY!) harder with the “no blame” thing. And we still check in sometimes: “You still choose this?” The answer isn’t always a booming yes. Sometimes it’s a quiet “yep” or a tired “working on it.” But the key was shaking ourselves loose from the rut. It forced us to look at the marriage, not just live in it. Was it the perfect solution? Nah. But it worked for us because it forced us to actually do something different instead of just complaining.
