My Morning Meltdown
Woke up feeling like absolute garbage. Again. Same heavy feeling in my chest, same loop of stupid thoughts running around my head like hamsters on a wheel. Coffee didn’t fix it. Scrolling through junk online definitely didn’t help. Felt stuck. Like groundhog day, but worse. Just sat there staring at the wall, thinking “Not this again. I gotta break this stupid cycle.”
Deciding Enough Was Enough
So, I pushed myself out of the chair. Hard. Literally said “Screw this” out loud. Knew I needed something different, right then. Didn’t need a fancy plan, just a fresh start. Remembered those dumb “cycle breaker” methods people talk about. Figured I’d actually try one, just to see. What did I have to lose? Another crappy day? Fine.
Getting Real Simple
Grabbed an old notebook and a pen that barely worked. Didn’t overthink it. Wrote down the three things making me feel trapped:
- Felt like a failure before I even started the day.
- Kept thinking about yesterday’s screw-ups.
- Zero energy to try anything new.
That was the stupid cycle. Sounds simple, yeah? Felt huge staring at it.
The Actual “Breaking” Part (No Rocket Science)
Read somewhere you gotta interrupt the pattern. So I did the dumbest thing possible: I put on my sneakers and walked out the door. No goal, no podcast, just walking. Focused on stupid stuff: the cracks in the pavement, the color of that car, breathing cold air. At first, the bad thoughts tried barging in, shouting “Hey! Remember how you messed up?” I literally shook my head like a dog shaking off water and kept walking.
Fifteen minutes later, something shifted. The hamster wheel slowed down. Just moving my body outside, feeling sun on my face even for a little bit, made space. Space feels different than being stuck. The heaviness in my chest wasn’t gone, but it wasn’t sitting on me like a brick anymore.
What I Ended Up Doing
Got back home. Didn’t magically transform. But felt slightly less crappy. Used that tiny bit of clarity to do ONE practical thing I’d been avoiding – cleaned off my cluttered kitchen counter. Just that one spot. Felt physical progress. Ended the hour feeling like I’d actually started something new, however small. Still life, still sucks sometimes, but today? I didn’t just stay stuck in the suck.
