Alright, so this whole talking about the awkward stuff in the bedroom thing? Yeah, needed to happen. Me and my partner, let’s be real, it was kinda messy sometimes. Things just weren’t clicking like they used to, you know? Stuff we both wanted wasn’t happening.
Why I Knew We Had To Talk
Look, it wasn’t like huge fights every night. More like little stuff adding up. Sometimes it felt like one of us was kinda just going along with it, or maybe frustrated but not saying anything. We both wanted things to be better, hotter, you get it. But actually saying it out loud? Super scary. Kept thinking, “What if they take it the wrong way? What if they get upset?” Avoided it like the plague for way too long.
How I Actually Started The Darn Convo
Didn’t just blurt it out during dinner. That felt weird. Honestly, chickened out a couple times. Finally, picked a night after we’d had a decent time just hanging on the sofa, feeling kinda close but not right in the moment. Felt less pressure.
- Chose my words carefully (kinda): Went with something like, “Hey babe, you know I love being close with you. But sometimes lately… I just feel like maybe we’re both holding back a bit? Like not talking about stuff that could maybe make things even better?” Said it slowly, kinda clumsy. My heart was pounding.
- Got super specific (slowly): Didn’t dump it all out at once. Started super gentle. “Remember that one time we tried X? Maybe it felt a bit off…?” Or “I sometimes wonder if you feel weird about Y?” Made it about the stuff, not them.
- Kept it short first time: Wasn’t trying to solve everything in one chat. Just getting it out there. Said stuff like, “No pressure to talk now, just wanted to mention it…” Gave them space to maybe bring it up later if they needed to think.
What Worked (And What Didn’t)
First try? Okay, not awful. They listened, didn’t freak out. But yeah, felt defensive for a second. Totally normal!
- Listing Actual Frustrations (Later): Like that time we totally misread the mood, or when one of us felt rushed. Pointed them out as specific moments we could avoid, not permanent failures.
- Brainstorming What Might Be Fun: Made it about possibilities, not critiques. “Hey, what if we tried this?” or “Does X idea sound fun at all?” Kept it light.
- Regular Tiny Check-ins: Stopped trying for massive “State of the Union” talks. Just quick things after things happened (good or not-so-good), like “Wow, tonight was great when we…” or “Felt a bit rushed earlier, maybe tomorrow we take it slower?”
What tanked: Accidentally blaming them once (“You always do X!”). Instant shutdown. Learned fast to stick to “I feel” or “When [thing happens]” statements.
Where We Ended Up
Took a few tries, not gonna lie. But actually putting the crap on the table? Huge difference. Way less weird silences now. We can actually laugh about it sometimes. Feels like a team effort figuring out what works for both of us, and if something doesn’t land, it’s way less awkward to say so. It’s not perfect forever now, but now we know how to bring it up without feeling like we’re walking on eggshells.
