You know what sucks? Realizing halfway through a story that your girlfriend’s eyes have glazed over like a donut. Happened to me last Tuesday night. Started telling her about this wild fish I saw online – super detailed fins, crazy mating habits – and her smile just… slid off her face. Felt like I’d dropped a brick on the vibe.
Started Paying Attention
Right after the fish story died, I decided to figure this out. Grabbed my phone notes and started keeping track of every story bomb and win for a week.
- Wednesday: Tried explaining a complicated work spreadsheet error. Her: “Mhmm.” Stares at ceiling fan. Notes: Too technical. Painful.
- Friday: Mentioned my clumsy friend tripping spectacularly over a curb chasing his runaway pizza. She laughed hard. Notes: Funny. Relatable.
- Saturday: Got deep into drone specs during dinner. Fork just stopped moving halfway. Notes: Hard stop. Nerdy crap strikes again.
- Sunday: Shared a small story about my mom’s cat stealing socks. She asked questions. Notes: Cute. Simple. Pets = win.
What Went Wrong (Spoiler: Mostly Me)
Glaring pattern by week’s end:
- Geek Trap: Falling into jargon holes about work, tech, or stats. Total mood killer.
- Expedition Length: Rambled for 10 minutes setting up a joke that took 5 seconds. Lost her at minute two.
- Misreading the Mood: Tried that funny pizza story when she was stressed about work. Bombed.
- Bragging = Cringe: Accidentally made a story about me winning something sound super braggy. Felt gross.
Tried Adjusting
Armed with my messy notes, I tried a few new rules:
- Check the Temp: Glance at her first. Tired? Stressed? Save the long story.
- Cut the Fat: Strip the story down fast. Set up → funny/scary/sweet bit → punchline. Done.
- Heart > Head: Never tell something just to prove I’m smart. Does it make her laugh? Feel? Wonder? That’s the ticket.
- Ask Myself: “Would I want to listen to this?” If I’m bored imagining it, skip it.
Test drive last night: Remembered her mentioning she likes hiking. Shared a super short, slightly embarrassing story about me getting mildly lost on an easy trail. Kept it light, kept it moving. Boom – actual smile and a little “Oh no!” reaction. Didn’t drone. Didn’t geek out. Felt way smoother.
Still gonna screw up sometimes. Old habits die hard. But catching myself faster now. Not every thought needs a full presentation. Just trying to pick the stuff that actually connects.
