So people keep askin’ me about sph stuff – how to not screw it up, really. Honestly? Took me years to figure this out without feelin’ like an idiot or hurtin’ anyone. Gotta start from scratch here.
My First Messy Try
Jumped right in years ago, dumb as a brick. Met this chick online who said she loved sph. No talkin’ about boundaries, no safewords, nothin’. Just met up at some cheap motel, felt awkward as hell from minute one. Tried crackin’ a joke about… y’know… size stuff. She froze up. Totally killed the vibe. Felt like a creep drivin’ home that night.
What Went Wrong:
- ZERO discussion beforehand about what we wanted
- No plan for if things got too intense
- Picked a gross, sketchy place – couldn’t relax
- Made it all about MY ego, not her comfort
The Slow Burn Approach I Use Now
After that dumpster fire? Changed EVERYTHING. Last month hooked up with someone new – call ‘em Sam. Here’s EXACTLY how it went down:
Step 1: Textin’ & Chillin’ First
Didn’t even bring up sph for like a week. Just normal chats – movies, annoying coworkers, dumb memes. Built actual trust. When I finally asked “You ever into… humiliation stuff?” Sam actually laughed. Said “Yeah, but only if I can roast your fashion sense first.” BAM – green light.
Step 2: Rules & Screw-Ups
Next day, made a quick list via text – kept it stupid simple:
- RED = full stop immediately
- YELLOW = pause, check in
- GREEN = keep goin’
- NO body shaming outside pre-agreed stuff
- Aftercare MANDATORY – cuddles or ice cream after
Forgot to mention Sam HATES nickname “tiny.” Learned fast when they yelled “RED!” mid-session. Felt terrible – but stopped INSTANTLY. Talked it out after. Sam wasn’t pissed cause I LISTENED.
Step 3: Home Court Advantage
Hosted at MY place this time. Clean sheets, dim lights, water bottles ready – no sketchy motel echoes. Put phones on DND. Felt WAY safer arguing about who’s worse at Mario Kart afterward.
Step 4: Talkin’ Trash (Safely)
Started silly – mocked my ugly couch, then bad haircut. Eased into the “main event” stuff. Sam threw back way better insults (apparently my cooking tastes like regret). Laughed till my face hurt. WAY better than my cringey first attempt.
Step 5: Aftercare Ain’t Optional
When we wound down? Didn’t just bolt. Wrapped in blankets, ate cold pizza. Made SURE Sam felt respected. Sam mumbled “Thanks for not bein’ a dick” half-asleep. Meant more than any ego boost.
Why This Works
See the difference?
- DON’T assume someone’s boundaries – ASK LIKE AN ADULT
- ALWAYS have that emergency pause button
- Makin’ it fun beats makin’ it mean
- Check ego at the damn door – it’s play, not combat
Sph ain’t about wreckin’ someone. It’s trust with sarcasm. Screw that up? You’re just bein’ a bully with extra steps. Do it right? Hell, Sam’s comin’ over Friday for round three – and yeah, I’m hidin’ the ugly couch cushions.
