So I saw this Dr. Steven Kiss dude popping up everywhere talking health stuff, right? Figured I’d try his daily wellness tips for a week just to see what’s up. Started Monday morning feeling like my usual zombie self.
First thing was the water chugging. Like, two full glasses right after waking. Man, that was brutal. Got halfway through the first glass and started gagging – felt like my stomach was gonna explode. Spilled half of it on my pajamas too, because who can handle holding a cup when they’re barely conscious?
Then came the exercise part. Kiss says to move within 30 minutes of waking. I dragged my old yoga mat outta the closet – dust bunnies flying everywhere. Tried that “sun salutation” nonsense. Couldn’t even touch my toes without my back cracking like popcorn. Ended up just waving my arms around like a inflatable tube man for five minutes before quitting.
The breakfast thing got weird. Supposed to eat protein-rich meals. Cooked eggs for the first time since Christmas. Scorched the pan so bad the smoke alarm went off. My whole apartment smelled like burnt rubber for hours. Ate my charcoal-flavored eggs standing over the sink while texting my boss.
Midday breathing exercises were a joke. Sneaked into the supply closet at work to try it. Just as I started the deep breaths, Janet from accounting barged in for paper clips. Had to pretend I was checking for mouse traps. Never felt dumber.
Here’s how my week stacked up:
- Water challenge: Stuck with it 3/7 days. Felt like a human water balloon
- Morning exercise: Lasted one pathetic attempt
- Protein breakfasts: Switched to protein bars after the egg disaster
- Breathing breaks: Got interrupted every single dang time
- Screen detox: Tried reading actual paper book – fell asleep after 2 pages
By Friday, I was crashing hard. That no-screen-hour before bed thing? Yeah right. Ended up scrolling TikTok until midnight while eating cold pizza over the sink. Felt totally defeated.
But here’s the kicker – I actually felt better by Sunday. The water thing started feeling natural, stopped waking up with dry mouth. Noticed I wasn’t crashing at 3pm as much. And I’m still doing the damn water thing every morning, even though I hate it. Go figure. Might try the breathing thing again when Janet’s on vacation.
