Alright let me walk you through this wild ride step by step – spoiler alert, didn’t actually get high, but man, it was a trip. Started cause I read some stuff online about achieving this super euphoric state during sex without anything illegal. Figured, why not? My dumb brain thought “6 easy methods” meant easy.
The Big Idea & First Stumbles
Got all fired up Tuesday night. Convinced my partner Sarah to be my guinea pig – poor woman had no clue what she signed up for. Method #1 was all about “Breathwork for Ecstasy.” Found this breathing pattern online: breathe super fast like a scared rabbit, then hold like you’re drowning. Looked ridiculous, tried it mid… action.
Felt dizzy after 30 seconds. Sarah stopped, looked at me like I lost my damn mind. “Are you having a stroke or something?” she asked. Nope. Just lightheaded and kinda nauseous. Scratch Method #1. Total flop.
Getting Physical (And Kinda Ridiculous)
Next morning, tackled Method #2: “Tantric Poses for Heightened Pleasure.” Picture us fumbling around like confused yogis. Instructions said “hold this pose, focus energy flow.” Focused more on not pulling a muscle. Leg cramped so bad I yelled “Oh god my hamstring!” not the good kind of “Oh god!” Mood? Destroyed. Sarah laughed till she cried.
Thought Method #3 might work: “Sensory Deprivation – Blindfolds & Earplugs.” Looked simpler. Put on a sleep mask and those squishy earplugs Sarah uses for snoring. Felt super weird, disconnected. Sarah tried talking to me, I yelled back cause I couldn’t hear squat. Felt lonely, not euphoric. Total sensory misfire. Off the list.
The “Mindset” Methods & The Downfall
Method #4 was “Deep Visualization.” Supposed to picture intense feelings spreading through your body. Got distracted picturing that pizza we ordered earlier. Sarah kept asking if I was okay ’cause my face looked constipated. Not exactly the transcendent state advertised.
By Friday, desperation kicked in. Method #5: “Edible Oils & Specific Touch Techniques.” Rubbed some weird expensive massage oil everywhere. Smelled like a hippie’s dream. Instructions said “use only fingertips in swirling motions.” Sarah was losing patience. “Are we making bread dough or what?” Skin felt slightly greasy, that’s it. Zero high.
The Final Straw & Reality Check
Saved Method #6 for Saturday night: “The Vocal Release.” Basically scream your head off to unleash energy. Sounded nuts but hey, last shot. Started letting loose these awkward grunts. Sarah sat up, unimpressed. “Are you dying? Or imitating a dying walrus?” Tried a louder moan. Neighbors banged on the wall. Shut up real fast. Utter humiliation.
Wiped off the oil, threw the blindfold in the drawer. Sarah looked dead serious. “That,” she said, “was the weirdest week of our sex life. And honestly, kinda selfish bastard energy trying to ‘get high’ off me.” Damn. She was right. Felt like an idiot chasing some phantom high using her like a test dummy.
What Actually Happened
Here’s the real deal from my dumb week:
- No “high” remotely like people online talked about. Not even a tiny buzz.
- Felt stressed constantly trying to follow weird steps.
- We laughed way less. Usually we crack jokes, it’s fun. This felt like a job.
- Connection tanked. All focus was on the stupid “method,” not each other.
- Major frustration. For her feeling used, for me feeling like a failure.
So yeah, learned the hard way. That “6 easy methods” crap? Mostly confusing gymnastics or selfish fantasies. Genuine fun and connection beat chasing some made-up, elusive high every single time. Threw those notes in the trash where they belong. No more circus acts in the bedroom. Solid win for keeping things real.
