My Shitty Week Trying to Fix This Mess
Alright look, this whole “getting soft during sex” thing became a massive problem for me. Felt like every damn time things got hot and heavy, my dick just clocked out early. Total buzzkill. Worse? Started avoiding sex altogether. Felt like shit, man. Enough was enough.
Phase One: Freaking Out & Guessing Wrong
My first brilliant move? Panic mode. Thought maybe I was just dead tired all the time. Started crashing into bed super early. Didn’t help one bit. Still going soft. Next genius idea: Maybe I need more porn? Like, rev up the engine? Yeah… that backfired. Big time. Just made getting hard with a real person feel impossible. Felt even worse. Started questioning everything.
Phase Two: Actually Paying Attention (For Once)
Okay, so blind panic wasn’t working. Time to actually think. Next time things started getting physical, I forced myself to notice what the hell was happening upstairs. Took some guts to admit this, but:
- Distractions were murder: Realized my dumb brain was everywhere. Worrying about bills, work stress creeping in, wondering if I looked okay… anything but the actual woman right there. Instant boner killer.
- Getting stuck in my head: The SECOND things slowed down a bit, like changing position? My brain screamed “OH SHIT IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN IS IT GOING SOFT?”. And guess what? Thinking that crap made it go soft. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy of dick failure.
- Breathing like I was drowning: Seriously, I wasn’t breathing properly. Tense shoulders, holding my breath like an idiot. Total body tension = dick disaster.
Phase Three: Doing the Actual Work (Grudgingly)
Fine. Didn’t wanna admit it, but my mind was the main enemy. So, tried some stuff:
- Foreplay Focus Force: Stopped trying to rush straight to the main event. Like actually, honestly, spent time just… enjoying her. Touching, kissing, talking stupid crap. Let the excitement build slow instead of forcing it.
- Breathe, You Idiot: Sounds dumb, but consciously taking slow, deep breaths. Especially when I felt my body getting tight. Helped keep me grounded in the moment.
- Kicked Performance Pressure to the Curb: Made a pact with myself: Stop trying to be a porn star. This wasn’t a show. Just focus on feeling good. Took a LOT of pressure off.
- Honesty Hour (The Hard Part): Talked to her. Not during, obviously! Chilled moment. Said something like, “Hey look, sometimes my brain sabotages me. Might need a pause or a shift if I zone out.” Did NOT blame her. Just owned my weirdness. Took balls to say, honestly, but it stopped the secret panic.
- No Death Grip: Already cut way back on porn, but also stopped squeezing myself like I was trying to strangle a snake during “alone time.”
What Actually Happened? (The Good & Bad)
This wasn’t overnight magic. Had a couple wobbly starts. But seriously? Focusing on breathing and staying present made the BIGGEST difference. When I felt myself drifting into worry land? Slow deep breath. Focus back on her skin, the sounds, whatever. Snapped me right back.
Getting rid of that “performance anxiety” garbage helped too. The talking part? That was huge. Knowing she wasn’t secretly judging me if things stalled for a second let me relax way more. It stopped being this high-stakes exam and felt… human. Messy sometimes, but way more connected and enjoyable for both of us.
Listen, it still isn’t perfect. Stressful week? Might still happen once in a blue moon. But it’s not that constant dread anymore. Feels manageable. And knowing what triggers it for ME? That’s the key. Forget the “10 miracle cures” nonsense. Had to get real about MY headspace and do the work. For fuck’s sake, who knew breathing mattered so much?
