How It All Started
Okay, so I met Jake at this dumb community safety fair last month. Our town does this thing every year – booths, pamphlets, free blood pressure checks, you know the drill. I honestly only went ’cause they gave out free fire extinguisher training. Anyways, I was standing there trying to figure out if this demo extinguisher was real or just a prop, feeling kinda stupid, and next thing I know this guy in turnout gear starts laughing at me. “You gotta pull the pin first,” he says. Smooth, right? That’s Jake.
We grabbed coffee after his shift. Dude walks in still smelling faintly of smoke – which is weirdly not terrible? He apologized, laughed it off. “Hazard of the job,” he shrugs. That coffee turned into dinner, and well… here I am, figuring out how to date a firefighter without turning into a nervous wreck every time the station pager goes off.
The Panic Phase (Yeah, I Had One)
First week after we started seeing each other? Man, it hit me. This guy literally runs INTO burning buildings. FOR A LIVING. My brain went full disaster mode.
- His phone buzzes? I’d jump a foot in the air.
- He mentioned a car accident call? I pictured him crushed under rubble. Awful.
- He’d be unreachable for 24 hours? I’d start imagining worst-case scenarios on loop. Couldn’t sleep.
It was exhausting, for me and probably for him when I’d text “You ok????” after silence.
Getting Practical: What Actually Works
Knew I couldn’t live like that. Scrambled for sanity. Here’s the lowdown on what I’ve tried & what stuck:
- Ask the damn questions: Instead of letting my brain invent horrors, I just asked him. “What’s a typical shift like?” “When something big happens, what do you actually do?” “What’s the safety stuff?” Hearing him explain it calmly – the drills, the teamwork, the protocols – made it feel less like Russian Roulette and more like… well, a job with risks. Informed > Ignorant.
- Knowledge is Calm: Signed up for a basic first aid/CPR class the department offered to families. Didn’t magically fix everything, but holding that practice dummy? Learning what they mean when they say “stable”? Made me feel less useless. Less powerless. Plus, hey, useful skill!
- Communication Ground Rules: We talked. Like, actually talked. I told him: “Look, the silent shifts freak me out.” He told me: “I forget to check my phone when we roll back into station exhausted.” Solution? Simple: He texts “Back safe. Wrecked.” when his shift ends, even if it’s 3 AM. Just that one line. Lets me breathe. No epic love note needed.
- Distraction Arsenal: Learned FAST I needed stuff to do when he’s on shift or on a long call. Cleaning? Too boring. Watching movies? Couldn’t focus. Stumbled into making complicated casseroles. Requires concentration. Also, house smells good. Also, frozen leftovers = easy meals for him after a crappy shift. Win-win-win. Painting miniatures works too. Anything that keeps my hands and brain busy.
- Emergency Info (Not Drama): Got the station’s non-emergency number. Wrote it down. Put it on a sticky note. On the fridge. Not for constant checking, but knowing it’s there if something really feels off stops the frantic googling. (He also showed me where his important paperwork is filed, just in case. Practical, not morbid).
Where We’re At Now
Is it perfect? Hell no. Some days I still get a twinge when the weather gets gnarly and the radio scanner app (yes, I have one now, judge away) lights up with storm calls. But it’s different.
The big shift? Accepting the risk is part of the package deal. You can’t wish it away. But you can manage your own reaction to it. Focus on the real person doing an important job, not just the dangers. Channel the worry into practical steps. Communicate without smothering. Bake weirdly complex things.
Jake cracked a joke last week. Said I handled the “firefighter dating stress test” better than his last gf. Said she used to show up at the station unannounced demanding reassurance mid-shift. Point is: Find your ways to cope that work, that don’t involve stressing him out more. That’s the whole damn game.
So yeah. Free fire extinguisher training: 10/10. Would recommend. Dating the firefighter who helped? Also 10/10. Handling it? Work in progress, but way less shaky than before.
